The Future Is Bleak.

Student: “Paying bills is a giant waste of money.”

Me: …

Apparently Haberdashery Class Was All Full

View post on imgur.com

Xavier: “Does the high school we’re going to next year have a metal working class for farriers?”

Me: (under my breath) “What the actual fuck?”

Caolinn: (whispering) “I heard that.  And, seriously, yeah…what the fuck?”

A Bagel Worth Dying For, Apparently

View post on imgur.com

Xavier: “Liam, throw me a knife.”

Me: “Liam, do NOT throw him a knife!”

Xavier: “Killjoy.”

This Is Why I Haven’t Given Him His Own Phone

This is what happens when you let your 13-year-old text his sister from your phone.  Annnnnnd I know this comes as a total shock, but I don’t use my kids’ real names on here, so I’ve edited the screen shot to protect the TOTALLY not innocent.

Car Conversations Never End Well

Liam: “What was the name of that actor who did the Lincoln commercials?”

Xavier: “Matthew McConaughey.”

Liam: “What was he even in?  Why is he even famous?”

Xavier: “He was in Interstellar, and grown-up women find him attractive.”

Liam: “Mom, do you find him attractive?”

Me: “You mean Matthew McConagh-heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy.”

Xavier: “Jesus, mother.”

Darkness Is So Fetch

Liam: “What movie are we watching tonight?”

Caolinn: “Mean Girls.”

Liam: “Can we start it now, before dinner?”

Caolinn: “No, I want to wait until it’s dark.”

Liam: (pause)  “It has to be dark?  How mean ARE these girls!?”

I Know…I Shouldn’t Be Feeding This Behavior.

Whence your 16-year-old texts you from class…

Caolinn: Can I get my belly button pierced next winter?  Pleeeeeease?

Me: Shouldn’t you be in class?  WTH is going on at that school?

Caolinn: I’m in choir.  It’s a joke class.

Me: Well, I think we’ve established why you have a B.

Caolinn: She’s literally spelling out choir terms.  She just spelled singing.  Would you be mad if I jumped out a second story window to get out of this, because she just spelled ‘choir’?

Me: They’re your legs, but I’m not wiping your ass for you, so take that into consideration.

Caolinn: She just spelled ‘soprano’.  WTF!?

Me: Mark my words…’alto’ is next.  Wait for it.

Caolinn: Winner!

Me: I think we can agree that no one is winning in this scenario.

Caolinn: Truth.

The Only Exclusive Club That McMcersons Are Recruited Into, Has 12-Steps

Liam: “How does the Irish Santa look different from ours?”

Me: (mumbling) “He’s carrying a beer, and he’s drunk.”

Liam: “What?”

Me: “He’s wearing green instead of red.”

Merry Effing Christmas

Caolinn told her brother she got him an i-Pad.

Xavier, for the record, wasn’t amused.

Stone Cold Weirdos…Every One Of Them…

 

Picture it, if you will…the McMcerson clan, so wholesome, listening to Christmas music whilst assembling candy boxes for their neighbors, and Mariah Carey’s, “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” comes on.

Me: “I think this is the only Mariah Carey song that I actually like.”

Xavier: “This song is creepy.”

Me: “Why?”

Xavier: “‘I just want you for my own’…it’s not about Christmas, it’s about a kidnapping.  She wants to OWN him.”

(silence)

Liam: (eye roll) “Fa-la-la-la-la…la-la-la-la.”