Maybe It Was The Fact That I Fart Rainbows.


PWDUB=Person Who Doesn’t Understand Bumper Stickers

PWDUB: “I didn’t realize you were gay.”

Me: (pause) “Well….that’s two of us.”

PWDUB: “Huh?”

Me: “I’m not gay.”

PWDUB: “Oh…but that sticker on your car…I thought…”

Me: “That sticker means I support equal human rights.”

PWDUB: “Oh…I thought…but, you’re always posting on Facebook about…

Me: “Yeah, that stuff doesn’t mean I’m gay…it means I’m not a dick.”

(the most awkward pause of all time…)

Me: “So…wanna talk about how much I love penis, or were you hoping to ask me if you could borrow my Indigo Girls album, and I just ruined everything?”



54 thoughts on “Maybe It Was The Fact That I Fart Rainbows.

    • I guess my thing was…if the same person was looking at my opinions on racial equality…they wouldn’t assume I was black. (okay, so maybe it’s because I’m borderline translucent, but you really NEVER know)

  1. OK lesson learned… Never read your blog while sipping a beverage. I reached Indigo Girls and it got messy. I am going to hold you personally responsible if any of my number keys stick 🙂

  2. 😀 Nice one.
    Here it is the other way round. My friend keeps waving his rainbow wallet at everyone’s face and the only reaction he ever gets is ‘wow!!! that is a cool wallet, where can I get one ? ”

  3. Doug in Oakland

    Older Yes sounds gayer. I know that because I’ve seen them seven times. And some of us old straight guys actually like the Indigo Girls. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, gay people. Well, I did move from the boonies to the Bay Area 30 years ago.

    • Rainbows are just pure awesome. Skittles? Skittles only exist so I can have candy on my desk for kids, that I won’t eat. If it’s not chocolate…why bother. 🙂

      • Agreed. Have a 95-year-old friend healthier than others 25 years younger, and she looks that young. She eats the ideal Mediterranean diet–has always. But her real secret, I believe, is that she scarfs down a nightly chocolate bar like a snake unhinging for a horse 🙂

        P.S. One never knows when communicating with a non-intimate in text alone how it will be interpreted at the other end. You DID know I DID know already about rainbows being a gay pride symbol…?

      • LOL…I figured you knew, because if you didn’t, I’d like to know how you got wireless in the cave you were living in. 🙂

        Fuck…now I want chocolate. ALL YOUR FAULT! 🙂

    • this has absolutely nothing to do with the post (which is obviously awesome always) but I love Outlier’s gravatar so much that i must have it! LOVE it! Did you hear me?

  4. “…it means I’m not a dick.”

    This is now my answer to every person who looks sideways at my parenting style.

    I know from experience, but you need a PSA about not drinking anything while reading your blog.

  5. elitosphere

    LOL the only thing more terrific than your take-down of that dimwit is… no, wait, there’s NOTHING more terrific than that!

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