Dear FBI, Dump The Handwriting Research…You Need To Look Into Panties


To be clear…if you’ve been reading this blog AT ALL, you’ll be just as shocked as I am, that I’ve managed to raise a child with common sense bordering on prudishness, but somehow, THAT happened.

Caolinn: “The only good thing about the locker room in gym, is that now I know who I will and will not be hanging out with.”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Caolinn: “Oh, you can totally tell who’s going nowhere in life, just by seeing their panties.  You’re wearing a hot pink thong with a hashtag on the crotch?  Pretty sure you’re not making good decisions.  Same for the girls with ‘sexy’ written on the ass.  You’re fourteen…who is that for?  And those stupid Marvel panties that you and I saw in Target and made fun of?  Yeah…I’ve seen them on two different people.  Be your own hero, damn it.”


For the record, this is what she’s talking about, where feminism and common sense took a dump in Target’s Junior’s department.


55 thoughts on “Dear FBI, Dump The Handwriting Research…You Need To Look Into Panties

      • She’s all over my office! JJB actually bought me a laminated print for my first Christmas there of the Linda Carter incarnation. As kids, my stepsister & I used to beg her mom for the empty Leggs containers with the silver tops of the giant egg. We’d take turns being WW with bulletproof breasts (she wouldn’t let us use her fancy cuff bracelets). I think I’d win… 😉

  1. My daughter and your daughter would completely get each other. Congrats on raising an astute teen with a sense of who she is beyond appearance – it’s not easy…I know! And those are terrible undies – shame on who made them!

  2. Willy Nilly

    I actually never gave underwear much thought. My mistake. I agree, agencies that live off of intelligence gathered for predictive analysis will now be able to track behaviors by demographic by tracking the passive RFID tag sewn behind the label of all that deviant underwear. Hope for the future, 1. Zombie hoards, 0.

    • Lmao!!! Agreement that when we’re the last survivors, that we throw the people wearing shitty panties to them? And by shitty panties, I mean literally shitty and/or these.

  3. Doug in Oakland

    My gay friend Amy used to work for a company that built data storage devices for the FBI, and she would FLIP OUT at the suggestion that that they look into panties.

  4. Well said. The number of painful signs of misogyny always amaze me. I just hope my daughter can feel the same way when she gets to teenage land. Thanks for sharing this story (both my wife and I got a great laugh).

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