Car Conversations Never End Well


Liam: “What was the name of that actor who did the Lincoln commercials?”

Xavier: “Matthew McConaughey.”

Liam: “What was he even in?  Why is he even famous?”

Xavier: “He was in Interstellar, and grown-up women find him attractive.”

Liam: “Mom, do you find him attractive?”

Me: “You mean Matthew McConagh-heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy.”

Xavier: “Jesus, mother.”

Just Be Happy Mommy Doesn’t Do Meth



Unfortunately, every single copy of Maleficent, in a five mile radius, was already rented, so I had to reserve a copy at a Redbox in the world’s worst neighborhood, which the children were only too happy to point out, when we went to get it…


Xavier: “Where is this Redbox located, anyway?”

Caolinn: “On the corner of 27th and Hooker by the looks of it.”