Men…This Is Why You Think Twice Before Texting Strangers Your Penis.



Me: “You remember that engineer I went out with last week…the one who got ridiculously drunk?”

Maya: “The one you never called back?”

Me: “Yeah, so, a week of not responding to his texts and calls…I think he’s finally gotten the hint, and then last night, at 10pm, out of NOWHERE…he sends me a picture of his dick.”

Maya: “WHAT!?”

Me: “Seriously.”

Maya: “Just out of nowhere?  What would make him think that was okay?”

Me: “A bucketful of gin, if our first date is any indication.”

Maya: “Do you still have it?”

Me: “Yup.”

Maya: “You gonna forward it?”

Me: “Duh…that’s why I’m calling…to warn you, before I send you a picture of some rando’s dick.”

Maya: “Is it impressive.”

Me: “Not in the least…he should be ashamed.”

Maya: “Even better.”

52 thoughts on “Men…This Is Why You Think Twice Before Texting Strangers Your Penis.

    • You have NO idea…it’s ridiculous. Worse…the pics are usually accompanied by a text indicating they expect quid pro quo. Ummmm no, but I am sending you a bill for the bleach I needed for my eyes.

      • Cary Vaughn

        Once upon a time, I sent a penis pic to a dude that I had just met. We exchanged numbers when we met, so this was the very first time I was texting him [gay people do this’s our way of greeting each other..dogs sniff butts, we send penis pics]. So after I typed in his number, I sent the pic. A little while after I sent it, I still hadn’t heard back from him, and then I began to wonder if I entered the phone number correct. And then I began to panic and think, “what if I typed in the number of some tween girl!!” Thankfully, he replied a few hours later, but you know, what if?

  1. elitosphere

    But… but… he’s an engineer! Shouldn’t he be the master of mechanically improving that which nature has made unimpressive?

      • elitosphere

        Maybe he thought your motherboard could do with his short circuit. Yes, I made that terrible pun. No, I’m not ashamed.

      • I was at SEATAC airport and spotted a (of course pony-tailed and wisp-bearded) guy with this t-shirt: “Hello. I’m a Boeing Engineer. Please sleep with me.”

      • Oh dear Lord…. That was an even lower-rent version of the idiot I was dealing with. And wispy beard…(shudder)…my ovaries just dry heaved.

      • The only way I can sleep at night is to tell myself that he had that shirt made up as a one-off… Because the thought of herds of them roaming around out there. Well, Armageddon is sounding better and better…

  2. I can’t thank you enough for the follow because you introduced me to your fabulous blog. Now I’m following you, at least until you know, they shut you down or send you away for that ‘rest’…

  3. Note to self: Do not read this blog and have first adult beverage of the night anywhere near lips at first read…

    The worst (thankfully) I ever get, is random photos of people’s babies. Since they don’t know me, or know I’m female, I always want to text back: “OMG! Another one. That makes 14 this year. Which one were u? Lurve yobabydaddy”.

    Bt, the thought of causing grief in marriages keeps me from doing such 😉

    • Oh…I think you should do it anyway. That will teach them to at least double-check the phone number.

      (although I totally reversed two digits yesterday and invited a total stranger to happy hour…worse…they didn’t tell me they weren’t my friend, said they’d be there…and we didn’t discover the error until the intended party failed to show up, and we called her…yes, I’m an idiot.)

  4. John Coleman

    Your post reminds me of a Truman Capote urban legend. He was at a restaurant when a drunken buffoon came up to his table, took out his schwantz, and said, “Hey, can you autograph this for me?” Capote evaluated the member before him, paused, then said in his nasally drawl, “Well, I suppose I could initial it.” A great blog you’ve got going here. I’m on board. Thanks for following mine. Peace and best, John

  5. The risk of error is quite high in an endeavor such as this, and it’s sure to bring laughs and possibly jail time if it falls into the wrong hands. A great post. thanks for the laughs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s