Me: “You remember that engineer I went out with last week…the one who got ridiculously drunk?”
Maya: “The one you never called back?”
Me: “Yeah, so, a week of not responding to his texts and calls…I think he’s finally gotten the hint, and then last night, at 10pm, out of NOWHERE…he sends me a picture of his dick.”
Maya: “WHAT!?”
Me: “Seriously.”
Maya: “Just out of nowhere? What would make him think that was okay?”
Me: “A bucketful of gin, if our first date is any indication.”
Maya: “Do you still have it?”
Me: “Yup.”
Maya: “You gonna forward it?”
Me: “Duh…that’s why I’m calling…to warn you, before I send you a picture of some rando’s dick.”
Maya: “Is it impressive.”
Me: “Not in the least…he should be ashamed.”
Maya: “Even better.”
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 
Holy Hung-Lo, Batman! Hahahahaha! I am SO glad I stopped dating before the dick-pic plague… Oh, man…!
You have NO idea…it’s ridiculous. Worse…the pics are usually accompanied by a text indicating they expect quid pro quo. Ummmm no, but I am sending you a bill for the bleach I needed for my eyes.
Oh, I’m so disappointed that you didn’t use it for your opening meme!
Ohhhhhh, that would have been grand. (and probably a ban from wordpress, but so TOTALLY worth it.)
I never understood why we do this, but we do. (hangs head in shame)
Lol!!! To entertain the married friends of girls you date? 😉
Once upon a time, I sent a penis pic to a dude that I had just met. We exchanged numbers when we met, so this was the very first time I was texting him [gay people do this often..it’s our way of greeting each other..dogs sniff butts, we send penis pics]. So after I typed in his number, I sent the pic. A little while after I sent it, I still hadn’t heard back from him, and then I began to wonder if I entered the phone number correct. And then I began to panic and think, “what if I typed in the number of some tween girl!!” Thankfully, he replied a few hours later, but you know, what if?
Aaaaaaaannnnnd we’re officially friends, you and I.
Love it.
Must contact all the women I have done this to before it’s too late…
All of them? Hope you have unlimited calling and two days off of work. 🙂
Bazinga. Sorry for interrupting this comment stream. That was just too good.
He makes so easy…(insert obvious entendre) 🙂
But… but… he’s an engineer! Shouldn’t he be the master of mechanically improving that which nature has made unimpressive?
A PhD with Intel…and that was the best he could do. *sigh*
Maybe he thought your motherboard could do with his short circuit. Yes, I made that terrible pun. No, I’m not ashamed.
Oh…my…god. Brilliant. Terrible, but utterly brilliant.
I was at SEATAC airport and spotted a (of course pony-tailed and wisp-bearded) guy with this t-shirt: “Hello. I’m a Boeing Engineer. Please sleep with me.”
Oh dear Lord…. That was an even lower-rent version of the idiot I was dealing with. And wispy beard…(shudder)…my ovaries just dry heaved.
The only way I can sleep at night is to tell myself that he had that shirt made up as a one-off… Because the thought of herds of them roaming around out there. Well, Armageddon is sounding better and better…
I can’t thank you enough for the follow because you introduced me to your fabulous blog. Now I’m following you, at least until you know, they shut you down or send you away for that ‘rest’…
HA!!! God, I hope that day comes soon! I could use the rest. Does my commitment come with margaritas? Tell me it comes with margaritas.
Well, at least the pharmaceutical version, I’m sure.
So, you’re saying it’s possible…
Or you could just eliminate the middleman and go for the margaritas right now. It’s what… the middle of the night where you are? It will be dawn soon and teenagers will be in a coma before their [insert electronic drug of choice] screens. So how about those 6:00AM margaritas? (Make mine a mojito though.)
Snapchat has revolutionized the DickPic movement. Imagine one could hack that shit?
I agree with you completely, but I’m pretty sure with Snap, the card you at the door and refuse entry if you’re over 35. Lol
I liken it to a cat bringing you the dead mouse he just caught. Like they’re saying “Look what I can do! “
Oh my God, that’s a brilliant assessment. Once again BB, you are entirely correct!
Lol. You’re too kind.
The idea of sending someone a picture of my vagina is right up there with stabbing myself in the eye with a fork.
The fork would be so much less painful, long term.
Hehe. And here I thought you were going to lead into a Straight White Guys Texting post! That Tumbler site is hysterical. You could submit your fine, er, specimen.
If only I still had the picture…epic. Thanks, Greenwolfe!
Nice reading about you
Thanks for visiting my blog. Be in touch. Browse through the category sections, I feel you may find something of your interest.
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thank you so much dear 🙂
Love the new blog! Seriously, the pictures are stunning. 🙂 Thanks for coming by, and I hope to see more of you!
Oh thank you so much dear 🙂
Note to self: Do not read this blog and have first adult beverage of the night anywhere near lips at first read…
The worst (thankfully) I ever get, is random photos of people’s babies. Since they don’t know me, or know I’m female, I always want to text back: “OMG! Another one. That makes 14 this year. Which one were u? Lurve yobabydaddy”.
Bt, the thought of causing grief in marriages keeps me from doing such 😉
Oh…I think you should do it anyway. That will teach them to at least double-check the phone number.
(although I totally reversed two digits yesterday and invited a total stranger to happy hour…worse…they didn’t tell me they weren’t my friend, said they’d be there…and we didn’t discover the error until the intended party failed to show up, and we called her…yes, I’m an idiot.)
Your post reminds me of a Truman Capote urban legend. He was at a restaurant when a drunken buffoon came up to his table, took out his schwantz, and said, “Hey, can you autograph this for me?” Capote evaluated the member before him, paused, then said in his nasally drawl, “Well, I suppose I could initial it.” A great blog you’ve got going here. I’m on board. Thanks for following mine. Peace and best, John
Ha! That is BRILLIANT. Thank, John!
I knew nothing about dick pics until attempting online dating for the first time (so far, entirely unsuccessfully, BTW…sigh):
http://outlierbabe.wordpress.com/2014/04/18/fishin-for-love-online/
Online dating is the Thunderdome…truly,. 🙂
The risk of error is quite high in an endeavor such as this, and it’s sure to bring laughs and possibly jail time if it falls into the wrong hands. A great post. thanks for the laughs.
LOL…this is so very true. What starts off silly can quickly land you on a sex offenders list.
Damn that was funny.
I just wish I could have used the picture as my graphic. 😉
Ha ha! Thanks for giving me a good laugh. I have a collection of dick pics. I should have them mounted (no pun intended) and hold an exhibition.
OMG…if you do, I will be the first one there for wine and cheese.
I really should read your blogs first thing in the morning to start my days off with a laugh!!!! ha ha ha ha! 😀
Hey, what day isn’t made better with dick jokes? 🙂