In case some of you thought I was dead somewhere (hoping, I daresay), I was merely on Spring Break with my family. After fooling my kids into thinking they were going to Prescott, AZ with my mother, with the car packed, we revealed the truth…that we were taking them to Disneyland. As exciting as Prescott is, I’m sure you can imagine, they were thrilled at the change in plans.
Because I’m exhausted, have to work today (already!?), and everything hurts…I’ll just share a quick summary of Le Disney.
1. Nothing looks as smug as the faces of people passing you in the Fast Pass line. Oh, yeah…well, I’ve got a pocket-full of California Screamin’ tickets set to ripen in a 10 minutes…then we’ll see who’s smug.
2. The Indiana Jones ride…has a posted height requirement…but should actually have a support bra requirement. Seriously, it’s like Girls on Trampolines in there. The happiest place on Earth? The security office for that ride, watching the footage.
3. There’s a subtle line between making your children the center of your life, and teaching them that they’re the center of the known universe. Annnnd I saw that line crossed, on the daily.
4. I don’t care how many Mickey-shaped beignets you just ate… Thou shall not joke about cocaine use at Disneyland. Apparently, that joke doesn’t go over well in the Magic Kingdom.
5. I’m probably in the vacation photos of a million strangers, but only 4 of my own. Yes, family from Indiana, that is me, and yes, that was my third churro…don’t fucking judge.
6. My daughter can spot a “famous Vine-r” from 50 paces away, but doesn’t know who Angie Harmon is, when she’s standing 10 feet away. (She’s lovely by the way, and her daughters are insanely beautiful…shocker.)
7. On every ride this happened…
Cast member: “Have a great ride!”
Caolinn: “You, too!”
8. You know those cameras, where they snap a picture of you, mid-ride? After looking like a mental patient in 30 of them, this is what happens.
Now, back to work. Grumble, grumble.
49 thoughts on “The Happiest Place On Earth Is Now Anywhere With Ibuprofen And Beer”
i do #7 all the time–then feel like an idiot & then try to tell myself that they probably didn’t hear me. ..right?
I tell myself I’m not alone when I do this stuff. Now I know who’s in it with me! Sweet!
Disneyland to D’Avonte, you’re not doing so bad.
D is dressed to the nines (shocker), but has barely opened her mouth all morning. Sigh.
I kind of like Prescott.
I do, too, but they don’t have Dole Whips.
Number 2 made me laugh embarassingly loud. Thanks for that.
Who the hell is Angie Harmon?
Jesus….you’re my daughter. lol She’s an actress…she was on Law and Order and is now on Rizzoli and Iles. (sp?) I’m too lazy too Google and see if I spelled that right. 🙂
Ahhhh… I just looked her up. Now I recognize her! She’s kinda hot. I don’t watch TV (seriously – I don’t have cable) so I’m a bit clueless about lots of things. I only heard about Mad Men 2 years ago!
She’s totally hot, and I do the same thing every couple of years, and eschew cable and TV. I basically only know the shows I DVR, and anything involving a commercial gets fast-forwarded, so I have no idea about movies.
And I still have no idea what a “vine-r” is. I think I’m OK with that.
You can live FOREVER without knowing this. Trust me… 🙂
Waaait a minute: You got on THIRTY (30) rides at Disneyland? In how many days?! The last time we went, we counted ourselves lucky that it was a seven-ride day. Well, it was Christmas time.
If your goal is seeing stars, head for Geezers Die-Die next time–that famous medical facility up Beverly Hills way. You can’t help but spot ’em around there–and many are walking around upright, breathing, prior to seeing their physicians.
That Harmon thing–people like that are a breed apart, literally. They are aliens who live among us, uninterested in and incapable of interbreeding with such as you or I. Their only challenge at passing is to mimic the appearance of aging. I hate them all, and it is one of my life’s missions to find their genetic Achilles’ heel and destroy them–or, alternately, make all their males want me desperately.
She actually looks fairly normal, albeit really pretty, in person. She wasn’t overly made up at all, and she doesn’t look like she’s had any obvious work. I was impressed.
We did REALLY well. I think we were at least 15-20 rides a day. We seemed to hit before most people were on Spring Break, so the only real crowds were Arizona people. Apparently, one of my students was also there, and I successfully evaded. lol
1. Re: The alien you spotted–Just proves my point. (I am extremely unobservant, but even I haven’t been able to help but notice a few over the years here, and all have been better-looking in the flesh than on screen. All but a couple with whom I’ve spoken have seemed like pleasant folk, too–d#mn their obviously-hypnotic alien eyes!)
2. If your family truly managed that many rides, you somehow entered a time-warp to the year the park opened. Congratulations! I believe my personal best, from 1994, on a day when the entire contents of the Atlantic poured down upon the park, stands at 12. (THAT was a GREAT day!)
I seriously went back and counted, and we did 42 in 3 days. It was a pretty sweet run. Not as sweet as the time we were able to ride Splash Mountain 4x without getting off, but…still good.
My brother was playing basketball one time in a gym and Eddie Murphy happened to be one of the guys playing. My brother said one of the best fan comments ever, in my opinion:
“Will you sweat on me?”
Meg, will you sweat on me?
Sadly, I don’t even think either of us would have to try. Proximity, combined with my sweatiness and clumsiness and it’s a done deal.
Ha ha ha!
But where is Goofy? Where is Mickey?
I do have pictures of both! My mother is a Goofy fan…seriously…she hugged him.
Good to hear. He’s almost a shirt tail relative. Disney based Goofy on the voice of Pinto Colvig. He was raised just down the road from here. My mother grew up with him and one of my grandfather’s sisters married Pinto’s older brother. Pinto, BTW, would go on to become Bozo the Clown. For more trivia, Pinto was the voice of one of the Munchkins who sang the Lollypop song in the original Wizard of Oz. Hmmm. Much more than you wanted to know. 🙂 –Curt
OMG…I am winning the shit out of Final Jeopardy!
You are a wicked nice mom.
I need you to email that to my kids every time I piss them off. (read: in about an hour)
I’d be happy to. I could also tell them stories about my mom.
“Mom, why is some guy emailing us, and why does every sentence end with ‘eh’?”
(I’m totally kidding…I know you don’t do that.)
Couldn’t get past #2 because it was too funny and I had to stop.
Of course I’m not kidding.
I had to pause ‘Broad City’ during the downtown Asian bus scene for the same reason.
Yes, but did it make you pee!?
damn it. i almost got away but i saw that someone mentioned angie harmon and now i have to know if she was there because law & order.
way to keep me from having a life.
I’m the fucking anti-Christ.
The Indiana Jones ride is the cause of many older-guy neck sprains, I take it, Meg. Did they get a mid-ride shot of you on that one? Send it to Ryan yet? 🙂
No, but he jokingly said I should get a Disney merchandise bra…and then, with a little research, we found out they DID have a lingerie shop on Main Street, when they opened.
Cutting edge apparel back then, Walt and gang. 🙂 Thanks for the chuckle, Meg. Welcome home.
Thanks, Mark! If it makes you feel better, he said he’d wear a mankini, provided that it wasn’t a Goofy mankini…because that would be RIDICULOUS.
The good jokes keep rolling in from the editor, huh?
Mmm. Angie Harmon. Sorry, I’ve had a not so secret crush on her for decades. I even told Julie that if we ever break up I’m going to photo shop Angie Harmon’s face on her body in all our pictures..Now. What were you saying about cocaine and Mickey Mouse??
I wish I’d known before, I could have told her. Yes, it may have scored you a restraining order, but that shit would be frameable!
Darn. Missed opportunities seem to be the story of my life. That court order would have looked good next to my wife’s Ph.D., though.
That would have been EPIC!
LOL That’s fucking awesome. And living in L.A., I have to especially agree with #3. You don’t have to be at Disneyland to witness that LOL
I think it’s everywhere, but I think princess-land brings out the worst. Ugh… Not everyone is a princess, some of you bitches are going to need to grow up to be lawyers and shit…suck it up, ladies!
As a former Cast_member I must say…lol.
You have no idea how jealous I am. 🙂