Drew: “Hey, don’t tell anybody you’re going out of town on Facebook.”
Me: “Why, I have a housesitter, nosy neighbors who don’t work, and an alarm system.”
Me: “Drew, what are they going to steal? The only things I have of any value are going with me to Alaska. Are they going to make off with my 80lb TV that still has a picture tube, or my three copies of Zoolander?”
Drew: “You have three copies of Zoolander?”
Me: “Want one?”
Drew: “No. And what if someone breaks in and isn’t looking to rob you?”
Drew: “What if it’s just some pervert who wants to…I don’t know…break in and jack-off on your bed, or something?”
Me: “Well, two things. One, I’m never giving YOU a house key, pervert. Two, I guess I’m washing my sheets when we get back.