My darling Ryan is soon to be turning 43, which apparently has been noted by some dastardly marketing software, prompting this text.
Ryan: Okay, is it right to get indignant if you get a welcome letter from AARP? NOT what I was looking forward to for my birthday.
Me: Awwww, honey, yes. And ridiculous because you’re too young to even get a membership.
Ryan: Okay, that makes me feel a little better. Still. Hurtful. Hang on…I have to yell at some kids to get off my lawn.
Me: At least AARP wants you?
Ryan: Great, I’m wanted by a paramilitary organization with walkers.
Me: If it makes you feel better, I’m with Danielle, and she says last week she got a coupon for a discount on her own cremation.
Ryan: Jesus Christ. She wins.
***For my non-American friends…AARP is the American Association of Retired Persons.
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 
When my brother reached that age, he refused to get an AARP membership. At his next birthday, my parents bought one for him.
HA! Meanest gift ever. 🙂
Ahem. I caved and joined. You get discounts and shit!
Can you join at 43? I thought you had to be at least 55? Damn it…now I want in.
You can join at, *cough* fifty. Sheesh!
Well…that’s right around the corner, and I do like a deal. 🙂
2 weeks prior to my partner’s 50th birthday, she received a home kit from the Colon Cancer Check provided free of charge from our health care system here in Ontario, Canada. Talk about butting into one’s business!
LMAO! Happy birthday…check your ass. 🙂
I don’t care what they say, I’m not retiring as a person…
LMAO! How about as a Howler Monkey?
Well, I did used to play electric guitar a lot. Would that count as howling? I can’t imagine there would be much of a Howler Monkey pension… I do like bananas, though, does that help?
Howler Monkeys are charming and know how to express an opinion. That has a certain charm.
The AARP wants me bad. I’ve received a monthly membership card for 17 years in a row. I’m not wealthy enough to retire and stay retired. I have to go back to work every year to afford to eat something other than catfood. (Which is getting outrageously expensive for someone on a fixed income)
I can’t believe you’re eating cats for food…you MONSTER! 🙂
No, I like cats! I eat cat food because it’s cheap and nutritious. The meow mix is great with Netflix. But, as soon as the company found out old people like cat food, they jacked the price up.
If they have salmon flavor, I’m in.
You’re in luck! 🙂
Salmon salad…here we come!
🙂 Yummmmm….
Poor Ryan. I guess it could have been worse like getting a sample pack of Viagra.
If he does join the AARP he has to socks with sandals. That’s what I’ve heard anyway.
And they have to be black. And they must be over the calf.
Next, he should be getting the pamphlets and brochures on how to talk to his doctor about ED. I’d been getting those since 45.
I’ll send them a return letter, “He doesn’t need it…TRUST ME.”
Well neither do I (knocking on wood), but that hasn’t stopped them from sending it routinely. After all, a ton of spam is worth 1 doctor’s visit in their minds.
The boner industry is strong, friend.
I’ve been getting AARP invitations since I was 39. 40 was a bit hard to accept
They haven’t bothered me, yet, but maybe they just haven’t found me, yet. One of my previous addresses is probably covered in offers.
I always love/hate the irony of AARP negotiating discounts everywhere – so the previous generation (the richest in US history and richer than Gen X will ever be) scores discounts so they can be…. richer. Yay.
Wait, does that sound at all bitter?
I’m a public school teacher in the worst paying state in the union…I hate everyone, so bitch away. 🙂
I got an AARP invitation in the mail at 26, with another 6 months later. And then another the following year. It got old, so I wrote a (loose) haiku on the response card and sent it back:
I am not as old
As you seem to think I am
Retire your mailings.
It worked.
BRILLIANT! Probably the only good haiku ever written.
At 33 I gave birth to twins.
Two weeks later I started receiving advertising from AARP to join. My thoughts were “I know having kids ages you, but damn!”