For Your Next Birthday…A Swift Kick To The Balls!


My darling Ryan is soon to be turning 43, which apparently has been noted by some dastardly marketing software, prompting this text.

Ryan: Okay, is it right to get indignant if you get a welcome letter from AARP?  NOT what I was looking forward to for my birthday.

Me: Awwww, honey, yes.  And ridiculous because you’re too young to even get a membership.

Ryan: Okay, that makes me feel a little better. Still. Hurtful. Hang on…I have to yell at some kids to get off my lawn.

Me: At least AARP wants you?

Ryan: Great, I’m wanted by a paramilitary organization with walkers.

Me: If it makes you feel better, I’m with Danielle, and she says last week she got a coupon for a discount on her own cremation.

Ryan: Jesus Christ.  She wins.

***For my non-American friends…AARP is the American Association of Retired Persons.



33 thoughts on “For Your Next Birthday…A Swift Kick To The Balls!

  1. Rick

    When my brother reached that age, he refused to get an AARP membership. At his next birthday, my parents bought one for him.

  2. The Little Butch That Could (TLBTC)

    2 weeks prior to my partner’s 50th birthday, she received a home kit from the Colon Cancer Check provided free of charge from our health care system here in Ontario, Canada. Talk about butting into one’s business!

  3. Randstein

    The AARP wants me bad. I’ve received a monthly membership card for 17 years in a row. I’m not wealthy enough to retire and stay retired. I have to go back to work every year to afford to eat something other than catfood. (Which is getting outrageously expensive for someone on a fixed income)

  4. Adventures in Kevin's World

    I always love/hate the irony of AARP negotiating discounts everywhere – so the previous generation (the richest in US history and richer than Gen X will ever be) scores discounts so they can be…. richer. Yay.
    Wait, does that sound at all bitter?

  5. I got an AARP invitation in the mail at 26, with another 6 months later. And then another the following year. It got old, so I wrote a (loose) haiku on the response card and sent it back:

    I am not as old
    As you seem to think I am
    Retire your mailings.

    It worked.

  6. pjsandchocolate

    At 33 I gave birth to twins.

    Two weeks later I started receiving advertising from AARP to join. My thoughts were “I know having kids ages you, but damn!”

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