For Your Next Birthday…A Swift Kick To The Balls!


My darling Ryan is soon to be turning 43, which apparently has been noted by some dastardly marketing software, prompting this text.

Ryan: Okay, is it right to get indignant if you get a welcome letter from AARP?  NOT what I was looking forward to for my birthday.

Me: Awwww, honey, yes.  And ridiculous because you’re too young to even get a membership.

Ryan: Okay, that makes me feel a little better. Still. Hurtful. Hang on…I have to yell at some kids to get off my lawn.

Me: At least AARP wants you?

Ryan: Great, I’m wanted by a paramilitary organization with walkers.

Me: If it makes you feel better, I’m with Danielle, and she says last week she got a coupon for a discount on her own cremation.

Ryan: Jesus Christ.  She wins.

***For my non-American friends…AARP is the American Association of Retired Persons.