Me: “What did the doctor say?”
Jen: “Well, now they’ve added another drug, also NOT on my insurance, to try and thicken my lining, and then I have to go in for an ultrasound to see if it worked, so they will know IF they can even think about doing the IVF cycle.”
Me: “How many meds are you on, now?”
Jen: “Five.”
Me: “Hey, I don’t want to claim to be a doctor, but I’ve heard of this drug that you can take, all by itself, that’s super cheap, and if you take it, you’ll be pregnant, like…constantly.”
Jen: “You’re talking about meth, aren’t you?”
Me: “Have you ever met a meth head with fewer than five kids?”
Jen: “God, it’s true.”
Me: “I’m not convinced it’s not a fertility drug they lost control of.”
Jen: “Maybe it’s not the meth, but all the hooking they do to GET the meth.”
Me: “Well, there’s another option for you.”
Jen: “You’re never babysitting.”
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 
Well … from everything I’ve heard about IVF, your meth method of getting pregnant sounds much more enjoyable.
Tragic, right?
Hahahaha. Or maybe your friend should marry an unemployed, mostly drunk, Irishman. She’ll have about ten kids in no time.
Hey, hey, hey, hey…my dad had a job! (and my parents only had one kid…damn it)
Then you aren’t real Irish.
Then I’m not sure how you explain my white ass.
Oh who am I kidding, I saw that you even have freckles on your fingers. If you friend needs needs help I can assist. I am so potently manly if I even look at woman’s vagina lady part she gets pregnant.
HA HA HA!!! A cootch glance and some meth and POOF!!!
If you don’t want a Callaghan baby then you better wear them lead panties.
Like I don’t all the time, anyway. Geeez.
Hahahaha. Of course you do. How could I have not known that.
Right? Especially after you’ve seen my “other website”.
It’s practically all I look at.
I put the tit in titanium.
Hahaha. Oh shit. It must be hell going through an airport.
You have no idea
I don’t think it’s so much the meth itself as the spending all of your birth-control money on it…
Damn it, Doug…there goes the plan. 😉
Poor Tony, he was probably heartbroken. When I was a kid we at least had a barn to hide behind for those kind of hijinks…
It was Central Phoenix…the only barn we had was the Dress Barn. 🙂
Between the post and your banter with Callahan, there’s nothing I can add that would come close.
(Feckin’ freckles on my fingers makes me Irish? D*mn. And here I’ve been wearing orange every March in protest against the wearin’ of the green, in honor of what I thought was the Scottish part of my heritage. My father’s got some explaining to do.)
Orange!? NO MORE BEER FOR YOU!!! (lol)
Thank the Scottish gods!
I’m pretty sure you just fried my brain with that conversation. Please provide training on how I can have such discourse with my wife and live to tell the tale.
Oh, you can never take advice from me…that’s a death sentence.
Good lord.. She wants a child? Is she high? Mad? Did you not tell the stories that cause the vagina to close up faster than you can say, “Oh hell no honey!” You know, the first 2 years after birth. Those first two years you don’t sleep more than 10 minutes at a time… 😀
I swear some people don’t listen.
Wait, so…you don’t want to have babies with me, Michael? No? DAMN IT.
Holy shit woman, are YOU MAD!?! I got the motherly curse (you know, “you’re going to have a child just like you but five times worse”)… Can you imagine a quiet know-it-all hellbent on taking over the world as a mini-me? No, thank you!!! One of me is more than enough for this world. We don’t need more.
Awwwww, but it would be cute and would only KINDA smell like brimstone. Lol
Speaking of.. I see CBS is doing a series on Lucifer giving up his domain in Hell to live with the mere mortals. LUCIFER is it’s name. Chances are… That would be what I spawn. It would not be pretty even if the actor is.
We could call it ‘Lucy’.
You know… They also seem to be making Besson’s Lucy into a series too… Called LIMITLESS. Had you said these things six months ago… you could probably get royalties from the thought
Always a minute late…sigh.
Wait! You have another web site? I’m only enjoying a 50% load of fun? Has Jen heard the ancient Zumbloobian saying, “From the back of a baby comes a ton of woe.” Really, she should think about it. We have a pending zombie apocalypse coming and no one wants a dirty diaper in the bunker.
I have another website!? WHAT!? FUCK!
(No, seriously, what am I missing?)
Yes, I read this part, “Right? Especially after you’ve seen my “other website,” and I assumed you had another website. Sounded Way Kool, too! 🙂
Damn it…now I want to start one.
Excellent! My internet reading and enrichment plan is now complete! 🙂
I think we all know how questionable THIS website is. Can you imagine what the OTHER one would be like? Dear God…talk about dark recesses of the internet.
That is why I want to be your first follower. 🙂 Darkness on the internet is absolutely necessary. It’s where all the true talent hangs out. Wait….did you hear Jaws theme music just then?
HA!!! So perfect, on so many levels.