Ryan: The kids with their dad?
Me: Yup. I might pull a Risky Business in a minute and do some air guitar in my underpants.
Ryan: Just don’t start a brothel in your house, or you’ll spend the entire weekend terribly concerned about an overpriced crystal egg.
Me: You just know his parents were at some high-end swinger’s weekend…some Eyes Wide Shut number.
Ryan: You mean where they wear masks, and could just as easily be attending a human sacrifice?
Me: WASP boners as far as the eye can see…
Ryan: WASPS don’t have “boners”, and they can only get them if they throw back a Cyalis with their single-malt.
Me: Thank God we’re just poor Irish-Italian immigrant trash. Our people only needed a couch and healthy dose of shame, and it was on.
Ryan: Shame is Irish lubricant. Also liquor, let us not forget the liquor.
Me: And the Italian side?
Ryan: Italians are passionate. Any high surface will do. Countertop…Tables…Hood of a Fiat…
Me: Back of a Vespa?
Ryan: I’ve heard you can’t get pregnant on the back of a Vespa.
Me: I think we just explained why you have so many cousins, Casanova.
31 thoughts on “Fiat…I Want A Check…And Condoms In The Glovebox.”
Sometimes you’ve just gotta say “What the fuck”
Today is that day, Madam.
You have awesome text convos… 🙂
Quite the coincidence that I, too, mentioned Casanova in a post – I should have clarified that I meant it more like – “(A mi) casa NO vas!” (You, Sir, will NOT be coming over!”)
Apparently we’re all feeling romantic and Italian these days. 🙂
Bahaha!! “Shame is Irish lubricant” – best line EVER!
Shame is also our aphrodisiac. True story.
I like starting my day with a chuckle. Thank you.
Better than a kick to the face, right? 🙂
Well, I suppose so, but I didn’t know that was an option so I’m not sure.
I feel warm and fuzzy now.
I’d like to know why the guy who takes Cyalis gets the hot chicks, the cool guy toys, the good job, and can afford two bathtubs. I’d like to know why these hot chicks kiss guys with reesty, scruffy 5 day old beards and why their mothers never told them what causes whisker burn. I’d like to know why you would call a doctor and not the New York Times is you’ve had it up for more than 4 hours. . . . My life would be perfect if I only had ED.
Hahahaha. Shame is wonderful. An Irish lubricant. That was very clever. Without shame I might not have any interest in sex at all.
Shame makes it hotter. What’s the point in doing it if it isn’t wrong.
I like to imagine the Virgin Mary is watching and weeping tears of blood.
That was an awesome bit of dialogue. Fantastic to read, thanks for sharing!
Bahaha. Fucking love it. Um, WASP boner?
My people came from Ireland AND I was brought up Catholic. I should be getting laid twice a day.
Annnnd confessing twice a week. 🙂
HAHAHAHA! No doubt.
Why are WASPs considered so sad in the sack? I’m half-WASP and half-Catholic. I haven’t noticed my WASP half holding me back in bed. I’ve had a f#ckload of steamy sex through the various apertures in my nightgown. I’ve even opened my eyes once or twice. Someday, I may turn on the lights.
I speak from the experience of being previously married to someone with one of those lovely fucked up Roman Numeral names. The only thing worse than him in the sack…was him every other place on earth. Ugh.
I wish you’d told me that before I married my own white-bread boy.
In my experience, having shame is preferable to lacking it. Having said that, and noting for the record that my last name is McFall, I’ll tell a joke:
Q: What does Irish foreplay sound like?
A: Bridget, I’m home!
Alternative… “Brace yourself, Bridey!”
*you can’t get pregnant on the hood of a vespa.* the unofficial high school (now middle or elementary?) sex education talk.
Just like you can’t get pregnant standing up…or in water…or the first time… And this is why we have seven children between us. 🙂