Unwittingly, I’ve Given Birth To A Vanderbilt




(Clearly, this conversation took place BEFORE we left…)

My mother: “I forgot to pack my hair dryer.”

Me: “Mom, it’s a four-star boat…they have hair dryers.”

Caolinn: “Four?  What happened to the fifth star?”

Me: (incredulous look) “Caol, the last time someone in this family crossed an ocean…it was in steerage.  Forget about the fifth star, and be happy you’re not getting cholera.”


Winged Bitches



R: “I have no idea who you’re talking about half the time.  You have too many friends.”

Me: “I can’t help it if people think I’m awesome.  Pfffffft…fools.”

R: “Do you plan on being this likable, Friday night?”

Me: “No, I plan on being a super bitch.”

R: “How is that different from a regular bitch.”

Me: “I’ll be wearing a cape.”

R: “Okay, that’s awesome.”

Me: “Which brings us full-circle…people think I’m awesome.”

R: *shaking head*

A conversation with my 4th grader…


A conversation with my 4th grader…

Liam: “Dogs are so lucky; they can just go anywhere.  The world is their toilet.  If I were a wizard, I’d want to be an animagus.”

Me: “You’d want to be able to change into a dog, so you can pee anywhere you want?”

Liam: “Yeah, but also so I could talk to other dogs and find out stuff.  Dogs see things, you know.  HUZZAH!”

For the record, I take FULL responsibility for turning this kid in to a Grade A, Harry Potter nerd, but we are NOT Renaissance Festival people, so I don’t know WHERE that ‘huzzah’ shit came from.  He and I will be having a long, serious talk about what’s acceptable in this house.