That’s One Way To Keep A Girl Up All Night


Me: What about Stephen King?

Ryan: I haven’t read much from him since It.  I was like, that’s it.  That’s as good as it’s ever going to get.

Me: I didn’t read that one.

Ryan: A clown. That’s all I’m saying. Makes Poltergeist look like a kid’s movie.

Me: No…no…definitely not.  I was scared of them before, so that would NOT help.

Ryan: No. Definitely not. Clown-centered. Evil clown. Very bad clown.

Me: I’m pretty sure that ^^^ was the movie’s tagline.

Ryan:  And the movie…imagine Tim Curry in clown makeup, chasing kids.

Me: I’m not going to sleep tonight, and I blame you.

Ryan: You? I’m already double-checking my closets. At least you have Sully who will bark at the clown.  What do I have?  Cats. Cats are useless. The only thing they’re good for is eating my corpse after the clown gets me.

Me: Great. Now, I’m scared of cats.

As Jimi Hendrix Once Sang…”Excuse Me While I Kick This Guy”



(A loud smacking noise comes from the boys’ room.)

Me: “Boys…I am tired of telling you that violence doesn’t solve problems.  Do you need a seriously long timeout?”

Liam: “What if there was a guy…and his name was ‘Violence’, and his job was to fix other people’s lives, and then we could say, ‘Violence DOES solve problems!'”

Me: (death stare)

Xavier: “Dude…shut up…or the violence will just be beginning.”