Someone Clearly Slipped My Twins Some Mescaline

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(I can’t be the only person who sees this video and wonders how he isn’t one of mine.)

A random quote from each of my sons today…  This, Ladies and Gentlemen, is what I get to listen to every day, while I’m driving…

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Xavier: “Mom!  What do you mean I can’t have a hang glider!? What do they make them for then!?”

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Liam: “Don’t you think it would be funny if they made a show about Darth Vader, and he wanted a girlfriend, and they called it Darth Dater?”

I’m More Scared Of My Friends, Than I am Some Random Crackhead

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Drew: “Hey, don’t tell anybody you’re going out of town on Facebook.”

Me: “Why, I have a housesitter, nosy neighbors who don’t work, and an alarm system.”

Drew: “Still.”

Me: “Drew, what are they going to steal?  The only things I have of any value are going with me to Alaska.  Are they going to make off with my 80lb TV that still has a picture tube, or my three copies of Zoolander?”

Drew: “You have three copies of Zoolander?”

Me: “Want one?”

Drew: “No.  And what if someone breaks in and isn’t looking to rob you?”

Me: “Huh?”

Drew: “What if it’s just some pervert who wants to…I don’t know…break in and jack-off on your bed, or something?”

Me: “Well, two things.  One, I’m never giving YOU a house key, pervert.  Two, I guess I’m washing my sheets when we get back.

I Hope They Make A Handbasket Big Enough.

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Two horrifying things that happened during the early morning Easter egg hunt.

Xavier: “Mom, did you hide any eggs in the entertainment center.”

Me: “I have no idea what the Easter Bunny does.”

Xavier: (whispering) “Liiiiiar.”

 

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Caolinn: “Wait…was Easter the day Jesus died, or the day he came back.”

Me: “It was the day he was resurrected.”

Caolinn: “Oh, that makes more sense.  Now that I think about it…that’s kind of like what happened with Yoda.”

Me: “Yeah…we need to go to church today.”

Nerdery: A Tale Told In Two Parts…

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Maybe I shouldn’t have chosen THIS meme to discuss my son and daughter bantering with each other. I am a TERRIBLE mother.

Liam: “I just asked the Magic 8-Ball if I was going to be a superhero when I grow up, and it said ‘Most Likely’.”

Caolinn: “Yeah, well, if you get bitten by a radioactive spider, we’re selling that thing for a lot of money.”

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Liam: “I read that some scientists in Russia accidentally made a real lightsaber.”

Caolinn: “No one ‘accidentally’ makes a lightsaber, Liam. Nerds, everywhere, have been trying to pull that one off for years.  Trust me…that’s like ‘accidentally’ curing cancer…it ain’t happenin’.”