Paddy’s Not Patty’s, Assholes! :)

Student: “Are you wearing green because it’s St. Patrick’s Day?”

Me: “Yup.”

Student: “What does the green stand for?”

Me: “Avarice, envy, and gangrene.”

Student: “Huh?”

Me: “The beautiful, rolling green hills of Ireland.”

Student: “Oh.”

I’m Just A Little Slackery This Year.

Okay, this is truly pathetic…I mean to post this when it happened in March, so bear with me, and pretend that it’s St. Patrick’s Day, and excuse me for being, apparently, so drunk that I’m just getting around to hitting the ‘publish’ button.

Me: (Sending picture)

Ryan: Lick of the Irish?  That sounds like the makings of an excellent evening.

Me: This is why we’re together.

(Five minutes later…)

Ryan: Order whatever you want on it, the kids will eat it.

Ryan: Damn it, disregard, this is what happens when I text you and my mom at the same time.  She and I were trying to figure out what kind of pizza to order for dinner.

Me: Just be happy you texted me about pizza, and didn’t text her about your cunnilingus skills.

Ryan: Yeah, nothing kills the mood more than talking to your mom about giving head.  That’s the anti-viagra.

Me: That will never be on a Cialis ad.

Ryan: If it were, it would be two side-by-side bathtubs with one of them falling over a cliff.