This is what is happening in my house…because it’s just TOO HARD to walk ten feet to annoy the living shit out of your mother.
FML, guys…I’m screwed.
Me: My gay far has been impeccable, thus far.
Me: GAYDAR. Damn you, auto! You should KNOW me by now.
Ryan: So much for Apple’s smart typing feature. And all those people who end up with dick in their autocorrect? It’s because I call people dicks a lot.
Me: Mine took forever to accept that I wasn’t obsessed with duck.
Ryan: Trust me, it’s worse when Siri does it to you. “I’ve found 30 places for duck near you.”
Me: No, Siri…no, you didn’t.
Ryan: You’d think with hundreds of millions of iPhones out there, she would have learned to lean toward fuck instead, but no.
Me: Seriously, why so puritanical, Siri? She’s like a grandmother…always trying to assume the best of us.
Ryan: She makes you feel guilty for asking for it.
Me: Asking for it? What are you asking Siri for, you pervert?
Ryan: And cats. Sometimes I ask Siri for cats.