This has NEVER ended in someone getting laid. (She said…hoping…)
Caolinn: YAY! BEST DAY EVER!
Me: You’re such a dork.
Caolinn: DON’T CALL ME A WHALE PENIS! What the hell, mom?
Me: Would you prefer me to call you the obscure term for a porcupine penis? What do you call a porcupine penis, anyway?
Liam: “Can I get a cat when I grow up?”
Me: “Sure, but then I’m never visiting you, because I’m allergic.”
Liam: “Is Xavier allergic to anything?”
Liam: “So I can fill my house with it.”
(After Liam convinced me to let him TRY a fencing class.)
Xavier: “I don’t think we should have Liam learning how to use a weapon. He’s not good with weapons. He once shot me in the eye with my own nerf gun.”
Liam: (look of pure disdain) “How does that make ME bad with weapons? You dropped your gun, and I used it on you. I’m awesome with weapons.”
(Note: all nerf guns were given away after this incident…oh, and I didn’t BUY them to begin with.)