A Turkey Penis Is Called A Cloaca…And A Happy Thanksgiving To You.


This has NEVER ended in someone getting laid. (She said…hoping…)



Me: You’re such a dork.

Caolinn: DON’T CALL ME A WHALE PENIS!  What the hell, mom?

Me: Would you prefer me to call you the obscure term for a porcupine penis?  What do you call a porcupine penis, anyway?

Caolinn: Xavier.

Me: Worst…sister…ever…


Sibling Rivalry Reverts To Chemical Warfare


Liam: “Can I get a cat when I grow up?”

Me: “Sure, but then I’m never visiting you, because I’m allergic.”

Liam: “Is Xavier allergic to anything?”

Me: “Why?”

Liam: “So I can fill my house with it.”

Cain…Abel…If I May Have A Word With You, Please.

(After Liam convinced me to let him TRY a fencing class.)

Xavier: “I don’t think we should have Liam learning how to use a weapon. He’s not good with weapons. He once shot me in the eye with my own nerf gun.”

Liam: (look of pure disdain) “How does that make ME bad with weapons? You dropped your gun, and I used it on you. I’m awesome with weapons.”


(Note: all nerf guns were given away after this incident…oh, and I didn’t BUY them to begin with.)