Awwww, Fuck…Here Comes The Slideshow…

These trees are totally flipping me off, aren’t they?

Okay, I will preface this by saying that this is NOT like my usual posts, so if you’re new…skip this shit, this is for the people who emailed me for pictures.  If you look ANYWHERE else on this blog, it’s nothing but dick jokes and stories about delightfully obnoxious children (although those are never in the SAME post…we’re not monsters).  In fact…I’ll post something typical immediately after, so as not to confuse people into thinking this is now a travel blog.

1.

 

Seriously, how is anything this awesome even allowed…

2. Glacier Bay

 

If I heard Caolinn sing My Heart Will Go On, one more time, I was going to strangle her.

3. Hubbard Glacier

 

 

It’s hard to get the full impact from these, but Hubbard Glacier is 6 miles wide (and over 70 miles long, stretching into Canada), and 250 ft ABOVE the surface of the water.  Every few minutes some of it calves off in the front.  The last time it happened before we left (pictured above), it was huge.  And, yes, the entire ship cheered…for global warming.

4.

 

It could just be my being judgmental, but when naming a whorehouse, maybe pick something more vagina-complimentary?  This just makes me think you need a crate of soap and some broad-spectrum antibiotics.

5.  Um…can go for a thousand miles with no sleep, loves his dogs, AND has a sense of humor?  Well, hello, Sir…I’d like you to be the source of numerous future mistakes…

6.

 

They’re the pigeons of Alaska.

7.

 

Seriously…whales and reindeer.  WHALES…AND REINDEER…  How is this even happening?

8.

 

Our last day at sea, our ship responded to a distress call from a Canadian fishing vessel.  Before it was all over, there were five boats in the water, a plane parachuting medics, and the helo doing the extraction.  Canadian Coast Guard…you kick ass.

9.

 

And now I’m back in 112 degrees…sigh.

 

Damn You, Sarah McLachlan

Just over a year ago, the universe colluded with a youtube clip, and my poor heart, still bruised from losing my previous dogs, started to feel like it could stand another foray into pet ownership.

What has happened since, is a love affair with this animal, which is just this side of legally reportable.

I swear I only LOOK like the spawn of Dog-Satan.

Example 1:

(Just getting out of shower, and discovering the dog had one of his stuffed animals…)

Liam (yelling): “Sully, you get back here! You better give me that!”

Liam (muttering to himself): “I’m going to go put on some underwear, so he takes me seriously.”

Example 2:

Me: “Hey, I think the dog isn’t as freaked out by grown men anymore! He totally stopped barking at this one guy, after just a minute, and then he even licked sweat off his forehead.”

Tracy: “Um…why is a guy sweating in your house?”

Me: “He was a mover, pervert.”

Tracy: “Maybe he only likes sweaty men?”

Me: “Maybe he only likes men that take shit from our house.”

Example 3:

Caolinn: “I think the dog relates to me.”

Me: “The dog spends half his day drinking from the toilet and trying to eat pads out of the garbage.”

Caolinn: “Well…aside from that.”