The Gift That Keeps On Giving. (No, Not Herpes.)

Whilst passing a large display of novelty blankets being hocked on the corner of a busy intersection, with a sign that said, “Just In Time For Christmas.”

Are those Benjamins even correct to the time period of when that movie was filmed? I’m calling shenanigans on this one!

Me: “Ooooo, I totally know what I’m getting you for Christmas.”

Caolinn: “Is it wrong that I sort of really want the one of the two unicorns frolicking?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure that one was inspired by more drug use than the one of Bob Marley smoking.”

Caolinn: “Well, at least it’s better than the one of the girl with the marijuana leaves in places they shouldn’t be.”

Me: “Caol…”

Caolinn: “Yeah…”

Me: “”Is there a legitimate place where marijuana leaves SHOULD be?”

Caolinn: “According to you, they SHOULD be with the two unicorns frolicking.”

Me: “I love Christmas.”

Caolinn: “Me, too.  Happy birthday, Jesus.”

Dogma and Horsema

Bareback Mountain, indeed.

J: “Where are you headed?”

Me: “District office.”

J: “May the force be with you.”

Me: “And also with you.”

J: “You’re like a goddamn Episcopal Jedi.”

Me: “Episcopal?  Try Catholic.”

J: “Oh.  Extra guilt.”

Me: “Yes, but we are also required to exclusively bareback, so that’s a plus.”

J: “I’m pretty sure that’s not what they’ve been teaching you.”

Me: “Agree to disagree.”

(Note: If you type “bareback” into google images…you rarely get a picture involving horses.  Even if you type in “bareback horses”.  )

Sex and the Single Witch

 

(The following conversation completely explains why I’m single.)

Me: “I was at Hogwarts’ house last night.  Seriously, he annoyed the shit out of me, so I bailed early.  Alas, he WAS a Slytherin.”

S: “Bummer.  Glad to know you’re keeping your standards Gryffindor-high.”

Me: “At least need to find a fucking Ravenclaw…Jesus.”

S: “If you ever date a Hufflepuff, I will have to defriend you on Facebook.”

Me: “I’ll Avada Kedavra myself before I ever let something like that happen.”