The Gift That Keeps On Giving. (No, Not Herpes.)


Whilst passing a large display of novelty blankets being hocked on the corner of a busy intersection, with a sign that said, “Just In Time For Christmas.”

Are those Benjamins even correct to the time period of when that movie was filmed?  I'm calling shenanigans on this one!

Are those Benjamins even correct to the time period of when that movie was filmed? I’m calling shenanigans on this one!

Me: “Ooooo, I totally know what I’m getting you for Christmas.”

Caolinn: “Is it wrong that I sort of really want the one of the two unicorns frolicking?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure that one was inspired by more drug use than the one of Bob Marley smoking.”

Caolinn: “Well, at least it’s better than the one of the girl with the marijuana leaves in places they shouldn’t be.”

Me: “Caol…”

Caolinn: “Yeah…”

Me: “”Is there a legitimate place where marijuana leaves SHOULD be?”

Caolinn: “According to you, they SHOULD be with the two unicorns frolicking.”

Me: “I love Christmas.”

Caolinn: “Me, too.  Happy birthday, Jesus.”

Dogma and Horsema

Bareback Mountain, indeed.

Bareback Mountain, indeed.

J: “Where are you headed?”

Me: “District office.”

J: “May the force be with you.”

Me: “And also with you.”

J: “You’re like a goddamn Episcopal Jedi.”

Me: “Episcopal?  Try Catholic.”

J: “Oh.  Extra guilt.”

Me: “Yes, but we are also required to exclusively bareback, so that’s a plus.”

J: “I’m pretty sure that’s not what they’ve been teaching you.”

Me: “Agree to disagree.”

(Note: If you type “bareback” into google images…you rarely get a picture involving horses.  Even if you type in “bareback horses”.  )

Sex and the Single Witch




(The following conversation completely explains why I’m single.)

Me: “I was at Hogwarts’ house last night.  Seriously, he annoyed the shit out of me, so I bailed early.  Alas, he WAS a Slytherin.”

S: “Bummer.  Glad to know you’re keeping your standards Gryffindor-high.”

Me: “At least need to find a fucking Ravenclaw…Jesus.”

S: “If you ever date a Hufflepuff, I will have to defriend you on Facebook.”

Me: “I’ll Avada Kedavra myself before I ever let something like that happen.”