Your Daily Dose of Vitamin Hooker



For those of you who like a good hooker story…and who DOESN’T, my friend, Malka has FINALLY started a Tumblr account with the full accounting of her interactions with not only the Craig’s List hooker who ALMOST has her phone number, but also with the multitude of johns who continue to text her in the middle of the night, looking for some cookie.

Seriously…such a deep, dark part of me wishes this had happened to me.  *sigh*  If only…

The Craig’s List Hooker…Like Her Herpes…Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving…


In case you missed the previous posts (exhibit A, exhibit B), or you’ve just mentally blocked them (and I wouldn’t blame you…horrifying), my friend, Malka, keeps getting contacted by “Johns” looking to hire a hooker named Ciara.  I almost feel sorry for this last one.  Almost.  (Okay, I so totally don’t.)



**UPDATE**  He replied, y’all, he replied!


The Saga of the Craig’s List Hooker…Part 2


For those of you following Malka’s battle with online prostitution…my darling girl has taken a new tack. (background here)  Her new battle strategy involves a two-step approach…

Step One…scare the living crap out of them.



Worse than being threatened with a lifetime on the registered sex-offender’s list…that hair.  Sir, I’m pretty sure a haircut would solve your “gettin’-some” issues.


Step Two…and this is where it gets truly brilliant…




Yes…she is now using client #1’s picture…to seduce client #2…  and this is why I love her forever.

Nothing Worse Than A Hooker Who’s Poor With Details


So what happens when a prostitute (name: Ciara…so the orgasms aren’t the only thing she’s faking), accidentally screws up her OWN phone number by one digit, on a Craig’s List ad…sending dozens of men to text my friend, Malka, the CPA and mother of two?




She better give her husband every sex act these guys are asking for, just for agreeing to let her use this picture for this purpose.


And this is why I love my friends.

Confession: I was actually jealous…I would have had so much fun with this, that I wouldn’t even have tried to correct the error.  *I* am a terrible person.

(Sean Smithson…I thought about you with every forwarded ping.)