Yet Another Way You DON’T Want To Be Like Woody Allen



Drew: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m making cookie dough for Casey, as a surprise.”

Drew: “Why didn’t I just marry you, when I had the chance?”

Me: “What chance?  When we met, I was 13 and you were 21, you fucking pervert.  What…were you going to swing by my middle school after a hard day at the college of medicine and pick me up in your windowless van?”

Drew: “I’m torn between feeling incredible disgust with myself for being a potential pedophile, and disgust with you, for thinking that I’d ever drive a fucking van.”

Seriously…Children’s Publishing…you either need to hire me, or we need to go get a beer, because you’re just filthy enough to be fantastic company.


All of the following have been found in the last week, in the 2nd grade reading level area…

First we have the subtle…


Then, the not so subtle…

And, finally, we have the coup de grace…my personal favorite…


Nate the Great, indeed, and who DOESN’T love a happy ending?