Me: Annnnnnd I just got in my first car accident. Everyone’s fine…the car is getting towed..I’m on my way to the ER with what looks like a broken wrist.
Ryan: WHAT!? Holy shit! Where are you? I’m coming right now.
Me: No, no, my mom is here. It could be so much worse. We’re all fine.
Ryan: Fine except for your wrist. The kids are okay?
Me: The kids are fine. Caol is a little shaken up because of the airbags, but we’re all good.
Ryan: What can I do? New airbags? Ride home? Sock with butter to beat the doctors?
Me: Butter? Try quarters. You’d never survive in prison.
Ryan: Because you’d like a boyfriend prepared to lead that life?
Me: Excellent point. Stay nerdy.
(45 minutes later)
Me: I’m apparently the first person in this ER to ever refuse a narcotic. The nurse looked at me like she was worried I had a head injury.
Ryan: She’ll be back around in 10 minutes for the hard sell.
Me: I spent my entire adolescence preparing for the day a drug pusher would come, but I never thought they’d have blond highlights and good veneers.
Ryan: Those are the worst ones. Stay strong.
Me: Can you see it now? “I’m a clean teen, Susan! I don’t want your Hillbilly Heroin!”…This would be the worst After-School Special, EVER.
Ryan: Meg, maybe we need to double-check on that head injury.
(Good news…it was just a ton of soft tissue damage with minor spraining, and I’m totally fine.)