Me: Do you think the NSA reads our conversations?
Ryan: They do if they’re tired of tracking ISIS. Yup, we’ve typed ISIS…now they’re totally listening.
Me: Maybe if we’re lucky they’ll chime in on our debate over page 55 of The Joy of Sex, and add their two cents about the merits of armpit licking.
Ryan: I’m sure any fucking the federal government does, occurs in a “very uncomfortable place”.
Me: Especially the IRS. They’re the WORST. No foreplay at all.
Ryan: The IRS won’t even buy you dinner. They make you foot the bill, and THEN tell you it’s not a business deduction.
Me: What would be the WORST government agency to have sex with?
Ryan: CDC…for obvious reasons.
***For my non-American friends… NSA-National Security Administration, IRS-Internal Revenue Service (read: taxes), CDC-Centers for Disease Control
Drew: Hey, have a safe flight.
Me: Thanks! Just cleared TSA in record time.
Drew: Were you worried?
Me: Deep down, I’m always afraid that somehow I will get myself on the no-fly list.
Drew: How? By telling dick jokes on the internet?
Drew: That’s not why they’re going to keep you off a plane…trust me…there are reasons.
Me: Why do YOU think?
Drew: Three adolescent children, a divorcee, and two grandparents? Honey, that’s the definition of ‘terror cell’. (shudder)
**Friends…Loved Ones…Lovers, I am, officially, on vacation, and I will only have enough cell coverage to randomly send posts that I typed BEFORE I got on the cruise (I’m even writing this from the dock…because I’m dedicated and shit), so I won’t be able to respond to comments until I get off (Ha! Get off! Get it…because it’s…nevermind). Good news…I’m sure we’re having an AWESOME time…bad news…you’ll be listening to cruise-related bullshit posts, related to my family, for the next month. I apologize in advance. **