D’Avonte: “I hate my ass.”
Me: “Um…okay, how about that math you’re supposed to be doing? Number 9 looks like it might be pretty awesome.”
D’Avonte: “Serously, I wish I had half your ass.”
Me: “Why half?”
D’Avonte: “Pffffft….I don’t need ALLLLL that…half is plenty.”
Me: “So who wants to hear about how I’m the most embarrassing person alive?”
Tracy: “I do, I do!”
Me: “You know how I’m basically blind in the dark?”
Tracy: “Ohhhhh, this should be good.”
Me: “So, I was handing out pamphlets at the football game, and I walked STRAIGHT up some guy, with the biggest idiot grin on my face, asking if I could talk to him about the budget override…”
Tracy: “And…?”
Me: “He starts talking to me, and I realize he’s the principal I dated summer before last… the one where we broke up and it ended horribly, and we never spoke again.”
Tracy: “Oh, my, God…what did you do?”
Me: “I stammered about how he clearly already knew about the override and then ran for it.”
(deafening silence)
Me: “Nothing? You’re not going to say ANYTHING about this?”
Tracy: “You exist to make me feel better about myself.”
Me: “I want to argue, and I can’t.”
To know me is to know that I am rather obsessed with getting a good deal, and that I don’t pay full price for anything, but…this time…I think that Groupon has crossed the line…
Groupon, I go to you for half-priced Baja Fresh and discount manicures; my no-no square has no business on your radar. Furthermore, am I REALLY supposed to believe that this product was originally $99.95? I know it’s waterproof, but come on! Unless this thing can talk dirty to me during and play with my hair after…it’s not worth anywhere near that much.
Most disturbingly, apparently over 790 of my fellow Grouponers have jumped at the chance to grab this lovely, and they’ve sold out. So, friends, the next time I see you pull out a Groupon to pay for your (haircut, pedicure, cocktails, lunch), know that I’m watching you…and I know why you’re smiling…and I know it’s not the 58% you just knocked off your bruschetta.
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 