Smart Idea: Try And Lure Journalist Boyfriend Out Of The Country WITHOUT Pulling Out A Boob

Me: We’re in Nassau.  I just snagged beach access at one of the hotels. Which is a bigger asshole American move: Starbucks or a Piña Colada in a coconut shell?

Ryan: Piña Colada. Very ’50’s Mad Men kind of thing. Everyone does Starbucks.

Me: Good call. I’m moving here. Please come.

Ryan: Sure, there are newspapers there. I can add ‘Mon’ to a lot of my stories.

Me: Headline: Water Too Clear

Ryan: Sharks protest clear water, say interferes with theme song terror.

Me: No one gives a shit when they see us, Turtles cry.

Ryan: Turtles demand theme song to give swimmers night terrors.

Me: Turtle King demands unionization.

Ryan: Koch brother’s destroy unionization of turtles, and then take away their healthcare and access to education.

Me: Fuck, that’s scary.  I need another drink.

Ryan: Drunk Americans…Are They Ruining Nassau?

Goooood Morning Oman!!!!!!

Me: “I’m looking at my blog stats, and someone from Oman has been reading the crap out of my blog.”

Tracy: “Oman?”

Me: “Right!?”

Tracy: “Someone from Oman is reading your blog?”

Me: “Italy, South Africa, Australia, UK, Canada, a few other places…but Oman is making a serious showing.”

Tracy: “You think this is a good thing?  Have you READ your blog?  You’re completely offending people on a global scale now.  People in other countries now know that you want to kill off pandas and have you have your bush waxed, and you’re happy about that?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Tracy: “Okay, but don’t complain when China stops letting our zoos have those fat bastards because they’re afraid of us.”

Me: “Yes, but that serves my purpose.  Just think of all the money I can save our country, that they would have been spending trying to make pandas horny.”

Tracy: “Yeah…you’re a national hero.”

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If you’ll allow me to nerd out just a little bit.  The fact that this blog has been read in over 30 countries makes me happier than I can possibly express.  It’s amazing how small the world has gotten, and how we’re all so accessible to each other and our ideas.  The fact that ANYBODY is reading this is rather amazing, but, truly, reading my blog stats, every day, and seeing hits from other countries…that’s a special little thrill.

Totally awkward and slightly too long hugs…

-Meg