If I Have To Claim You, I’m Dyeing Your Hair Red, and I Get To Beat You.



(On our field trip last week…)

Me: “Hey…behave. We’re in public and people are going to think you’re mine.”

Kid: “Ohhhh, it’s about to get real embarrassing for you, then.”

Me: *sigh*

Sucking Metaphors Are Redundant Here, Aren’t They?



(A wholly appropriate Sunday morning text conversation)

Ryan: What are you doing?

Me: Caolinn wanted to watch the last two Twilight movies back-to-back…so that’s what we’re doing.

Ryan: Are you Team Edward?

Me: I’m Team Alice.

Ryan: Alice?  Who’s Alice?

Me:  She’s the sister; she can see into the future.

Ryan: So can I.  You’re about to waste the next four hours of your life.