Stockholm Syndrome…Now in Technicolor!


Xavier: “I don’t remember this movie being so rapey.”

Liam: “Um, yeah…there are consent issues all over this thing.”

Xavier: “It’s like they think setting sexual assault to song makes it allowable.”

Liam: “Seriously, this is just a bunch of hillbillies kidnapping women they can’t have, only instead of a cargo van, they have a horses and a wagon.”

Me: “Well…so much for family movie night.”

***Seriously though…glad the consent conversations seem to be paying off.***

Smart Idea: Try And Lure Journalist Boyfriend Out Of The Country WITHOUT Pulling Out A Boob


Me: We’re in Nassau.  I just snagged beach access at one of the hotels. Which is a bigger asshole American move: Starbucks or a Piña Colada in a coconut shell?

Ryan: Piña Colada. Very ’50’s Mad Men kind of thing. Everyone does Starbucks.

Me: Good call. I’m moving here. Please come.11301435_10206404349643273_1533162408_n (1)

Ryan: Sure, there are newspapers there. I can add ‘Mon’ to a lot of my stories.

Me: Headline: Water Too Clear


Ryan: Sharks protest clear water, say interferes with theme song terror.

Me: No one gives a shit when they see us, Turtles cry.

Ryan: Turtles demand theme song to give swimmers night terrors.

Me: Turtle King demands unionization.

Ryan: Koch brother’s destroy unionization of turtles, and then take away their healthcare and access to education.

Me: Fuck, that’s scary.  I need another drink.

Ryan: Drunk Americans…Are They Ruining Nassau?

Also, I’m Pretty Sure My History Teacher Was Hung Like A Mule, If That’s Your Thing

This has NOTHING to do with this post...I just find it hilarious, and I'm too tired to make a meme about an ass right now.

This has NOTHING to do with this post…I just find it hilarious, and I’m too tired to make a meme about an ass right now.

(A conversation by Facebook messenger…)

John: “Jesus, have you seen the magazine cover of Kim K’s ass?”

Me: “I fucking hate her…how would I have seen that?”

(Posts photo to conversation.)

Me: “That CANNOT be real.”

John: “I don’t even care if it’s real, it’s amazing.”

Me: “So, to be clear…if all it takes to impress you is a circus tent ass, let me introduce you to my high school chemistry teacher…she’s you type.  She couldn’t even walk between desks.  Mind you..she’s probably 60 by now.”

John: “Yes, but is she single…”