This All Started Over A Fight Over Who Got To Sit Shotgun…


Liam: “That’s NOT fair!  I’ve only JUST gotten big enough to sit up front, and you can’t take it every time!  We should take turns!”

Caolinn: “I’m leaving home in two years, and then you can sit up here whenever you want!”

Liam: “I’m not waiting TWO YEARS!  It’s not fair!”

Caolinn: “You know what isn’t fair?  That I have to have a period every month, and someday, I’m going to have to push a baby out of my vagina…that’s what’s NOT fair!”

Liam: “Mom, she’s pulling the uterus card again!”

We All Know This Guy…And Someday He’s Going To Drive A Very Big Truck


Xavier: “There’s this kid, Luke, in our class, and he’s such a jerk.  He’s constantly starting fights with people, but he’s the smallest kid, so people can’t beat him up because they’d get into trouble.”

Me: “Well, maybe the reason why he’s always starting fights is because he’s so much smaller, and he’s feeling insecure.  It can’t be fun being the smallest boy in the seventh grade.”

Xavier: “But then he shouldn’t TRY to make people mad all the time!”

Me: “Think about how it would feel being him, when everyone’s getting bigger, and you’re still small.  Put yourself in his shoes.”

Liam: (whispering) “Yeah, Xavier…put yourself in his teeny tiny shoes.”