Having Sex Against Trees Was Overrated Anyway. (Except For That One Time…)


Tracy: “Let’s face it, we’re old. The days of having sex up against a tree, with no thoughts as to consequences, are past us.”

Me: “By consequences, you mean splinters, right?”

Tracy: “I’m just saying that our days of backseat wrestling and breaking furniture are long gone.”

Me: “I have to disagree.  Ryan and I broke a piece of furniture just two weeks ago.”

Tracy: “Seriously?  What did you break?”

Me: “My shower chair.”


Tracy: “A shower chair? Thank you, that is officially the benchmark of how fucking old we are. How ’bout next time, you use your walker for leverage.”


**Before you guys give me too much shit, my house was built in 1957, and the shower heads were clearly installed for people who were 5′ 5″, so in order to wash my hair, I was doing a 20 minute wall-sit on wet tile, and while that was AMAZING for my quads, I ironically worried I’d fall and possibly break a hip, so I acquired the shower chair.  Fuck, I am old.