Damn You, Sarah McLachlan

Just over a year ago, the universe colluded with a youtube clip, and my poor heart, still bruised from losing my previous dogs, started to feel like it could stand another foray into pet ownership.

What has happened since, is a love affair with this animal, which is just this side of legally reportable.

I swear I only LOOK like the spawn of Dog-Satan.

Example 1:

(Just getting out of shower, and discovering the dog had one of his stuffed animals…)

Liam (yelling): “Sully, you get back here! You better give me that!”

Liam (muttering to himself): “I’m going to go put on some underwear, so he takes me seriously.”

Example 2:

Me: “Hey, I think the dog isn’t as freaked out by grown men anymore! He totally stopped barking at this one guy, after just a minute, and then he even licked sweat off his forehead.”

Tracy: “Um…why is a guy sweating in your house?”

Me: “He was a mover, pervert.”

Tracy: “Maybe he only likes sweaty men?”

Me: “Maybe he only likes men that take shit from our house.”

Example 3:

Caolinn: “I think the dog relates to me.”

Me: “The dog spends half his day drinking from the toilet and trying to eat pads out of the garbage.”

Caolinn: “Well…aside from that.”

And the Award For Best Catch Phrase While Blowing Up a Building Goes To…

Yes, nerds, I’m slapping a DC Comics meme on a Marvel Comics post. This is my dork way of being a rebellious badass.

(While watching The Avengers)

Liam: “I don’t know how Life of Pi won the Oscar for animation.  They didn’t have to make a city…or lasers…or an army…or a super suit…or new kinds of planes…or explosions.  It’s completely ridiculous.”

Xavier: “Mom, is that an F-22 Raptor?”

Me: *blank stare*

Liam: “Yeah, like she’s gonna know that.”

I’m Trying To Be Fucking Poignant Here!!!

Me (having a rare moment alone in the car with Liam): “Liam, one of the things that I love about you the most, is your thoughtfulness. You really take time to consider things, and how they affect the people around you, and you put yourself in other people’s shoes.  I love how kind you are to everyone you come into contact with.”

(silent pause)

Liam: *armpit fart noises*

Hammering and Nailing.

(The boys, riding in the backseat, spot a “place of business”.)

Xavier “Mom, that place is called The Anvil! Mom, can we go there!? Do they have blacksmiths!?”

Liam: “That would be so cool! STOP THE CAR!”

Xavier: “Mom, why are you laughing?”

Liam: “Mom, this isn’t funny; we really want to see this!”

(silence)

Xavier: “Uh oh.”

Liam: (whispering) “I don’t know what we did, but I bet it goes on Facebook.”