I Shall Apply A Password To My Communication Medium Post Haste

(Coming back from lunch.)

Tracy: “You left your phone here.”

Me: “I realized that after I left, but then, I couldn’t exactly call you to ask about it.”

Tracy: “So….you got a text from Ryan.”

Me: “Ummmm…okay.”

Tracy: “I read it.”

Me: “What kind of text?  Should I be embarrassed for myself or annoyed with you?”

Tracy: “You should be SUPER embarrassed about all the texts you guys were sending last night.”

Me: “Ohhhhhh, God…you didn’t.”

Tracy: “Seriously, who uses ‘expeditiously’ like that?  And ‘scrupulously’?  And how did he figure out a way to make ‘intractable’ filthy?”

Me: (facepalm) “We like all the good words.”

Tracy: “If the SAT bought the ACT a six-pack and then fucked the shit out of it…it would sound EXACTLY like your text feed.”

Me: “The SAT would never do that…the SAT would bring wine.”

Tracy: (eye roll)

 

I Can’t Get Through ONE Friggin’ Lesson.

As most of you know, I teach special education, and a good number of my students have difficulty with one or more areas of learning.  My language arts period is for students with learning disabilities in reading, and uses a variety of drills to help kids learn to break words down and decode them more easily.  This is one of the easier ones, but, as usual, I can’t get through ANYTHING without D’Avonte making it interesting.  They were supposed to be adding suffixes to words…

Me: “Add a suffix to happy.”

Class: “Happiness!”

Me: “Add a suffix to beauty.”

Class: “Beautiful!”

Me: “Add a suffix to self.”

D’Avonte: “SYPHILIS!”

 

Elective Stupidity

I have never been happier in my life, to NOT speak Spanish, because if I did…I’d know that this advertisement isn’t as dirty as my imagination wants it to be.