Friends…lovers…we need to talk. For those of you who use WordPress, you know that, as a blogger, they have a spectacularly awesome statistics page which tells you where people are reading you, and how they got there. Now, either WordPress has added an analytics page, or I’ve just never noticed it, but suddenly, I now get a list of search terms which led people to this blog. Guys…terrifying…truly.
So…I have a few questions/concerns…
1. What IS “labia minora fun”?
2. Scarier…”Miley Cyrus cover in sperm” or “Canadian singer Corey Hart cock shot”?
3. There’s a superior strip club in Murfreesboro, Tennessee? Is it the best because your sister works there?
4. Raise your hand if you’re surprised that Jon Hamm’s dick is all over this thing. No one? I thought so.
5. If you’re looking for hell…Google will lead you here.
Thank you, Jon Hamm’s Penis…you’re officially the most fucked up reason why I’ve ever broken up with anyone.
Linney: “Whaaaat, Casey? But I thought he was great!”
Me: “He was…he was great…until we got serious, and then he became completely jealous and possessive and insane.”
Linney: “Insane how?”
Me: “We got into a fight in public about Jon Hamm’s dick.”
Me: “He said some guy looked like Jon Hamm, and I made a remark that I just hoped he was wearing underwear to cover his enormous dick, and he completely went off on me, asking how I knew that Jon Hamm has a huge dick, and why would I make remarks about other guy’s penises.”
Linney: “Jon Hamm’s dick has its own Twitter account.”
Me: “That’s what I said! He went apeshit on me for being ‘insensitive and inappropriate’. That, and to be honest…the sex was getting worse not better. He seemed to think that ‘I love you’ meant, ‘I don’t have to even attempt foreplay, anymore’.”