Baby, Imma Cast A Reducto Spell…On Your Pants.

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Harry Potter Wand

“I wanted you to feel like a wizard every time you watched TV.” Seriously, the best birthday present ever.

(A Text conversation from last night.)

Ryan: Have you gotten your wand to work, yet?

Me: Not as well as I worked your wand last night.

Ryan: Hey-oh!  No, seriously, have you gotten it to work, yet?

Me: I’m trying to program it, now.

(5 minutes later)

Me: Sweetie, I might need you to do it for me, I can’t get it to work.

Ryan: Is it broken?

Me: No, I’m just not as tech savvy as you are. I’m reading the directions, and it’s just not working for me. Still trying…

(3 minutes later)

Me: ūüė¶

Ryan: What’s wrong?

Me: I’m such a fucking Hufflepuff.

Ryan: There, there…at least you’re not a Nerf Herder.

Me: I don’t even know what that means.

Ryan: No one does, darling…no one does.

 

Sex and the Single Witch

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slotherin

 

(The following conversation completely explains why I’m single.)

Me: “I was at Hogwarts’ house last night. ¬†Seriously, he annoyed the shit out of me, so I bailed early. ¬†Alas, he WAS a Slytherin.”

S: “Bummer. ¬†Glad to know you’re keeping your standards Gryffindor-high.”

Me: “At least need to find a fucking Ravenclaw…Jesus.”

S: “If you ever date a Hufflepuff, I will have to defriend you on Facebook.”

Me: “I’ll Avada Kedavra myself before I ever let something like that happen.”