This Is Why People Write ‘Bitch’ On My Desks

(With my students, while they do independent research in the computer lab.)

Ramon: “Can I listen to music on Spotify with my headphones while I work?”

Me: “Only if I get to choose the music.”

Ramon: (pause) “Nevermind.”

Megan McMcerson…Internet Cautionary Tale

Yup…this is how that date would go.

About a year ago, someone with a traditionally female name, who went to my high school, added me on Facebook.  We had 30 friends in common…I stupidly accepted.  They only had pictures of dogs, and never interacted with me in ANY way, so, frankly, I forgot they were in my friend list.  Then, out of nowhere, this person, who, as it turns out is a guy, starts posting come-ons on my Facebook wall, in front of God and everyone (read: my mother).  Obviously, this resulted in deletions and un-friending, but…that still didn’t get through to him, apparently.

Tracy: “Did you block that idiot?”

Me: “Yes, but first he tried to re-add me twice, and when I deleted them, the private messages start.  The first one repeats exactly what he wrote on my wall, and the second one says, ‘It’s okay if you have a boyfriend. we can still hang out’.”

Tracy: “What the fuck!?”

Me: “Right?  I’m going to take that bait?”

Tracy: (laughing) “I think you should..it’s good to make new friends.”

Me: “Oh, God…I can’t wait to have that conversation with Ryan.  ‘Hey, so, yeah, there’s this guy I went to high school, who I don’t remember, who has no social skills to speak of, who keeps asking me out, but he said it was cool if we just hung out, so…I’m gonna do that, ‘kay?’ Jesus, he’d dump me just so he wouldn’t be the boyfriend of a dead girl.”

Tracy: “Maybe he WANTS to be portrayed in a Lifetime Original Movie.”

Me: “No man wants to wind up on Lifetime.”

Tracy: “CSI?”

Me: “Stop selling this, please, either way, I wind up a skin suit.”

Tracy: “Hmmm…yeah…that.”

For Once…It Wasn’t Me She Was Annoyed By…For Once

So, apparently, my mother was online, and was reading a fluff article where people submitted captions for a photo of the President’s dog.  She thought the captions were hilarious, but evidently, my daughter was having none of this.

The Saga of the Craig’s List Hooker…Part 2

For those of you following Malka’s battle with online prostitution…my darling girl has taken a new tack. (background here)  Her new battle strategy involves a two-step approach…

Step One…scare the living crap out of them.

 

Worse than being threatened with a lifetime on the registered sex-offender’s list…that hair.  Sir, I’m pretty sure a haircut would solve your “gettin’-some” issues.

 

Step Two…and this is where it gets truly brilliant…

 

Yes…she is now using client #1’s picture…to seduce client #2…  and this is why I love her forever.