(A conversation with my best friend, following his foot surgery.)
Matt: “Doctor says that I’m doing great…minimal inflammation, and I’m walking fine.”
Me: “You were always the best at healing.”
Matt: “I’m like Wolverine, Bitch!”
Me: “I’ve gotta say, your foot is the last place I thought you’d get an implant.”
Matt: “Why? Did you think I’d get something put in my ass?”
Me: “Are you seriously asking me that, because the question answers itself.”
Matt: “You should see the x-ray of this thing…it’s so cool, it looks like I have a bolt in my foot.”
Me: “You’re Frankenfoot.”
Matt: “If I had a penile implant, I’d be Frankenweinie.”
Me: “Ewwww.”
Matt: “How do penile implants work? Do you pump the left ball to blow it up? How does it to go back down?”
Me: “Maybe, instead of semen…you just get a big blast of air.”
Matt: “God, a blowjob would be like a glaucoma test.”
Me: “I’m telling mom you said that.”
Matt: “She’s a nurse…ask her where the air goes.”
Me: “If she knows the answer, I’m killing myself.”
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 