My Apologies…This Is Going To Be A Rough Ride.

Because the feel of this entire blog is largely ridiculousness, I hesitated to to write about this here, but my heart is hurting so, I feel that I must.

Last night, one of Caolinn’s best friends tried to come out to his parents. In his usual, brilliant, witty, amazing way, he tried to make it easy and sweet, and he (and we) were all hoping for a loving and caring reception to his moment of brave honesty, but what happened instead, was that his parents yelled at him, berated him, told him that they wouldn’t accept it, that he wasn’t allowed to be gay under their roof, and threw away the gift he gave them. As a parent, as someone who loves him, and as a human being who isn’t an ignorant bigot…my heart broke, not only for him, but for all the kids who have faced the same response or worse. We’ve told him that our phones are on, and if, at any point, he needs us to come get him, day or night, we will, but it doesn’t feel like enough.

What I really want to do is bang down his parent’s door and tell them… Your son is brilliant, tall, handsome, and funny. He speaks more languages fluently, at sixteen, than I can say “hello” in at forty. He can program a computer, design a robot, once founded his own micro-nation (legally…I kid you not), and is a loyal and true friend. He’s also gay. And you don’t deserve him.

Thank you for listening to me, guys…I promise I’ll be happier tomorrow.  Probably because I stole their kid and egged their house.

Guess I Better Stop Talking About Robbing Those Banks In the 80s, Too, Huh?

(A call from my son’s teacher.)

Ms. Bonn: “So, I wanted to relate something that happened in class.”

Me: “What did he do?”

Ms. Bonn: “It’s not that he DID anything, I just wanted to share a story.”

Me: “Um…okay.  Is this story going to result in an office referral?”

Ms. Bonn: “No, no, no, seriously.  Today we were discussing places we liked to go, and another student in the class raised his hand, and expressed that he and his family liked to go to Chick-Fil-A.”

Me: “Oh crap…” (knowing exactly where this was headed…)

Ms. Bonn: *laughing* “Yeah…so Xavier raised his hand, and said, ‘I would never go to Chick-Fil-A.  They season their chicken with the tears of the oppressed’, and went on to quote exactly how much money they gave to ‘homophobic anti-freedom organizations’.”

Me: “Oh, God.  I’m so sorry he disrupted, but we have some strong opinions regarding civil rights and social justice in our house.”

Ms. Bonn: “Seriously, it’s cool.  I just thought you’d want to know, he actually listens to you.”

Me: “Grrrrreat.  Well, then do us both a favor and don’t mention our governor by name, or you’re totally going to have to write him an office referral.”

A post without the word penis anywhere in it…oh wait…yeah…yeah, there it is.

Today, I am proud to be an American.  I am proud that a victory was won for liberty, equality, and all of the other values we hold dear.  Today, I am reminded of something that happened with my twins, when they were just eight years old, that gives me not only hope for this next generation, but also for my sons as men and husbands, because, I think they’ll be pretty kickass.

I was doing the daily run around town, picking everybody up, and my sons were in the backseat.  My best friend, Matt, called me, because he and his partner had been in an argument, and so my sons, as it turns out, were listening to my end of the conversation.

*hanging up*

Xavier: “Mom, why did Chris buy Uncle Matt flowers?  That’s so stupid.”

Me: (cautiously…not sure if it was because they’re men, and wanting to get clarification) “Why do you think that Chris buying Uncle Matt flowers is stupid?”

Xavier: “Because they’re fighting, and Uncle Matt is going to know that’s the only reason he’s buying them.  He’s just trying to change the subject, and it’s only going to make Uncle Matt madder.”

Me: (Dying of absolute pride.)

I’ll end this with someone who has found the absolute sweet spot between hilarity, genius, and meaning, Ash Beckham,