Caolinn: (looking in the fridge) “Okay, why do we have five different kinds of mustard? No house needs five different kinds of mustard.”
Me: (blank stare)
Caolinn: “What?”
Me: “I don’t know how it happened without me knowing about it, but you were clearly somehow adopted.”
Caolinn: “I can only dream.”
Tracy: “Sooooo, I met Hannah’s boyfriend.”
Me: “What’s the verdict?”
Tracy: “He smells strongly of vinegar and a spring meadow.”
Me: “Ohhhh nooooo…he’s a douche.”
Tracy: “Huge douche.”
Me: “On a douche scale from Guy Fieri to Justin Beiber…where does this guy fall?”
Tracy: “Rick Saloman, circe the Paris Hilton years.”
Me: “Wow…that’s…wow. She doesn’t read my blog, right?”
Tracy: “No, why?”
Me: “No reason.”
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 