Summer’s Eve WISHES They Had My Vinegar Collection


Caolinn: (looking in the fridge) “Okay, why do we have five different kinds of mustard?  No house needs five different kinds of mustard.”

Me: (blank stare)

Caolinn: “What?”

Me: “I don’t know how it happened without me knowing about it, but you were clearly somehow adopted.”

Caolinn: “I can only dream.”

As Refreshing As A Garden Meadow In Your Vagina


Tracy: “Sooooo, I met Hannah’s boyfriend.”

Me: “What’s the verdict?”

Tracy: “He smells strongly of vinegar and a spring meadow.”

Me: “Ohhhh nooooo…he’s a douche.”

Tracy: “Huge douche.”

Me: “On a douche scale from Guy Fieri to Justin Beiber…where does this guy fall?”

Tracy: “Rick Saloman, circe the Paris Hilton years.”

Me: “Wow…that’s…wow.  She doesn’t read my blog, right?”

Tracy: “No, why?”

Me: “No reason.”