2013…You’ve Been A Sweet, Sultry Tart Of A Year

This Has Nothing At All To Do With This Post, But I’ve Been Meaning To Use It For Ages…So…There You Go…Try And Wipe The Image Of Scooby Beating Off From Your Memory, Where It Will Haunt You Forever. You’re Welcome.

Friends…Lovers…People who just stumbled on this, and have NO idea why they made such a horrific mistake, and who are now rethinking doing so after reading this incredibly long intro…

I want to thank you for your support and readership these last six months. They’ve meant the world to me, and I appreciate the fact that you’ve not only tolerated, but maybe even appreciated my nonsensical rambling about parenting, inappropriate use of texting technology, panda genocide, and pubic waxing. We here at fisticuffsandshenanigans (meaning me and my dog…who has no idea I’m including him in this, but I own his ass, so he’s in, whether or not he wants to be), hope that you have the happiest of happy New Years, and that all your dreams come true in 2014 (your good dreams…you know…the ones where you get to fuck Jake Gyllenhaal, and not the shitty dreams where you fall off of buildings…and come to think of it, if all of your dreams come true…Gyllenhaal is going to be one slutty whore, so, please…use a condom).

If you get a second, we’ve made some changes (we being the dog and I again…he’s better at programming than I am, sadly), and we’d love your feedback on the new look. Unless of course you hate the new look, in which case, the dog says you can go screw yourself…he’s a mean bastard.

Wet Kisses And Dry Reach-Arounds!

-Meg and Sully.

Why Does the Dog’s Butt Smell Like Listerine?

Miracles don’t just happen on tortillas, folks.

Every night, after I tuck her in, my daughter wants me to lay down with her, which inevitably results in the dog (Sully) jumping in the bed, as well.

Me: “Yeah, there’s nothing more relaxing than listening to the dulcet tones of Sully, licking himself.  Yeah, that’s it, boy…really get on in there.”

Caolinn: “Hey, he likes to keep himself clean.”

Me: “If he likes to be clean, you’d think he wouldn’t hate baths so much.  You’d think he’d be all, ‘Hey, there’s one less day I have to lick my own ass.'”

*moving to get up and go to my own bed*

Caolinn: “You cannot leave on that note.  Lay back down and start talking about something that doesn’t involve the dog’s anus.”

*long pause*

Me: “I got nothing.”

Caolinn: *sigh*