This Is Why People Write ‘Bitch’ On My Desks

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(With my students, while they do independent research in the computer lab.)

Ramon: “Can I listen to music on Spotify with my headphones while I work?”

Me: “Only if I get to choose the music.”

Ramon: (pause) “Nevermind.”

And Soon They’ll Be 13…

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Me; “You’ve hit your two-hour limit, put the laptop away.”

Xavier: “No, I haven’t!”

Me: “Yes…you have, put it away.”

Xavier: “Mom! I haven’t been on two hours!”

Me: “You have, and if you say one more word on the subject, I’ll take it and put it somewhere.”

Liam: (whispering to Xavier) “Somewhere up your butt.”

Me: (glare)

Liam: (whispering) “Nevermind.”

Proof That Freshmen Have No Woo

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stop-whining-you-know-nothing-about-friendzones

Caolinn: “Ugh, there’s this boy that sits next to me in both Programming and German, and at first I thought he was kind of funny, but now I’m just realizing that he’s insanely stupid.  Today, he couldn’t remember any of the intro German verbs, and in programming, he couldn’t even figure out how to open a new file.  Seriously…total idiot.”

Me: “So, who helps him when he can’t do these things?”

Caolinn: “I do.  It’s annoying as hell.”

Me: “Um…have you considered the possibility that he likes you, and is acting stupid to get your attention?”

Caolinn: (pause) “Ohhhhhh…..that would explain a few things.”

Me: “Like?”

Caolinn: “Like how he’s in the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math), but can’t perform a basic computer function.”

Me: “Who feels like the idiot now?”

Caolinn: “Shut up.”