Every Time Mommy Yells At Somebody, A Demon Gets Its Wings


My-Little-Pony-Friendship-Is-Magic-Meme(My mother, telling me about her friend’s daughter graduating from Coast Guard flight school…)

My mother: “Mary just sent me a picture of Jennifer getting her wings.”

Me: “Awww, that’s awesome.”

Liam: “Her wings!?  How is she getting wings!?”

Me: “She graduated from flight school.  Why…did you think she was a unicorn?”

Liam: (pause) “No…because unicorns have horns…a Pegasus has wings.”

Me: “Way to focus on the issue, Chief.”

Awwww, Fuck…Here Comes The Slideshow…


These trees are totally flipping me off, aren’t they?

Okay, I will preface this by saying that this is NOT like my usual posts, so if you’re new…skip this shit, this is for the people who emailed me for pictures.  If you look ANYWHERE else on this blog, it’s nothing but dick jokes and stories about delightfully obnoxious children (although those are never in the SAME post…we’re not monsters).  In fact…I’ll post something typical immediately after, so as not to confuse people into thinking this is now a travel blog.




Seriously, how is anything this awesome even allowed…

2. Glacier Bay




If I heard Caolinn sing My Heart Will Go On, one more time, I was going to strangle her.

3. Hubbard Glacier





It’s hard to get the full impact from these, but Hubbard Glacier is 6 miles wide (and over 70 miles long, stretching into Canada), and 250 ft ABOVE the surface of the water.  Every few minutes some of it calves off in the front.  The last time it happened before we left (pictured above), it was huge.  And, yes, the entire ship cheered…for global warming.




It could just be my being judgmental, but when naming a whorehouse, maybe pick something more vagina-complimentary?  This just makes me think you need a crate of soap and some broad-spectrum antibiotics.

5. IMG_0313 IMG_0320Um…can go for a thousand miles with no sleep, loves his dogs, AND has a sense of humor?  Well, hello, Sir…I’d like you to be the source of numerous future mistakes…




They’re the pigeons of Alaska.


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Seriously…whales and reindeer.  WHALES…AND REINDEER…  How is this even happening?




Our last day at sea, our ship responded to a distress call from a Canadian fishing vessel.  Before it was all over, there were five boats in the water, a plane parachuting medics, and the helo doing the extraction.  Canadian Coast Guard…you kick ass.


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And now I’m back in 112 degrees…sigh.