Hemlock and Laxatives…Here We Come


(Getting back in the car.)

Me: “You totally drank some of my iced tea, didn’t you?”

Caolinn: “I did it in front of you, before you got out of the car.”

Me: “I hate when you do that.  You know I don’t like people drinking from my drink.”

Caolinn: “Would you prefer that I did it behind your back?”

Me: “I’d prefer that you didn’t drink my stuff at all.”

Caolinn: “Well…I think we both know that’s not going to happen.”

At Least The Secret Service Uses Lube…Because They Care



imagesMe: Do you think the NSA reads our conversations?

Ryan: They do if they’re tired of tracking ISIS. Yup, we’ve typed ISIS…now they’re totally listening.

Me: Maybe if we’re lucky they’ll chime in on our debate over page 55 of The Joy of Sex, and add their two cents about the merits of armpit licking.

Ryan: I’m sure any fucking the federal government does, occurs in a “very uncomfortable place”.

Me: Especially the IRS.  They’re the WORST.  No foreplay at all.

Ryan: The IRS won’t even buy you dinner.  They make you foot the bill, and THEN tell you it’s not a business deduction.

Me: What would be the WORST government agency to have sex with?

Ryan: CDC…for obvious reasons.



***For my non-American friends…  NSA-National Security Administration, IRS-Internal Revenue Service (read: taxes), CDC-Centers for Disease Control