Thank you, Jon Hamm’s Penis…you’re officially the most fucked up reason why I’ve ever broken up with anyone.
Linney: “Whaaaat, Casey? But I thought he was great!”
Me: “He was…he was great…until we got serious, and then he became completely jealous and possessive and insane.”
Linney: “Insane how?”
Me: “We got into a fight in public about Jon Hamm’s dick.”
Linney: “Wait…WHAT!?”
Me: “He said some guy looked like Jon Hamm, and I made a remark that I just hoped he was wearing underwear to cover his enormous dick, and he completely went off on me, asking how I knew that Jon Hamm has a huge dick, and why would I make remarks about other guy’s penises.”
Linney: “Jon Hamm’s dick has its own Twitter account.”
Me: “That’s what I said! He went apeshit on me for being ‘insensitive and inappropriate’. That, and to be honest…the sex was getting worse not better. He seemed to think that ‘I love you’ meant, ‘I don’t have to even attempt foreplay, anymore’.”
Linney: “No foreplay!? Yeah, he had to go. NEXT!”
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 