I Gotta Put ‘Em Somewhere.


Me: (Pensively staring at my 4’10” friend….or according to Google…147cm)

Penny: “What?”

Me: “Nothing.”

Penny: “You’re thinking about how short I am, again, aren’t you?”

Me: “I could totally put my boobs on top of your head.”

Penny: *sigh*


Don’t Look a Gift Boob In the Mouth


Smallest. Pasties. Ever.

Me: “Okay, everybody out of timeout and get dressed. You’re going to Grandpa’s, so I can go to my appointment.”

Caolinn: “Where are you going?”

Me: “To have a mammogram.”

Xavier: “What’s a mammogram?”

Liam: “It’s when you go look at a mammoth.”
30 seconds later…

Xavier: “Why do we have to get dressed?”

Caolinn: “Shush, Xavier, just get dressed…mom’s boobs just saved us from time out.”