To preface…the neighbor in question is a questionably employed guy who wears threadbare undershirts on the daily, and who constantly hits on me, only to be instantly rebuffed. He is, however, the only proximate person I know who has tools, so, ill-advised as it was…I found myself standing in his living room, on a Saturday morning, wearing something that he would probably claim in court was “asking for it”…
Creepy neighbor: “What about this one?” (holding up a screwdriver)
Me: “No, I need a bigger one.”
Creepy neighbor: “Like this?”
Me: “No, I want one that has a fatter head, not one that’s longer.”
Creepy neighbor: (raised eyebrows)
Me: “Yeah, I heard that, too, as it came out of my mouth.”
Creepy neighbor: (smirking)
Me: “Oh. My. God. Just give me the tool, okay?”
Creepy neighbor: “Heh. Heh. Heh.”
Me: (facepalm)
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 