Never Have Balls Been So Disappointing


Me: I’m at the Diamondbacks game. It’s only 10 minutes in, and they’re down by 3 runs. This isn’t going to be pretty.

Ryan: The season’s almost over. They’re looking forward to playing golf.

Me: Judging from the way they’re swinging, they think they already are.

(fifteen minutes later)

Me: Dear Lord, we’re 0-5 at the top of the 2nd. Is there a mercy rule in MLB?

Ryan: No. There should be a mercy rule that if your team sucks that badly, that you get free food and beer.

Me: This season would have been a Public Health Emergency.

Ryan: Baseball Diiiiibeetus.

At Least He’s Sexier Than Caucasian Buddha?



A conversation that took place at our collective sons’ baseball game, when my friend spotted her ex-husband on the other side of the playing field. ┬áNote…Jessica is black…just so you don’t think she’s a giant racist…

Jessica: “Look at him over there…with those stupid long dreads and those sandals…looking like black Jesus.”

Me: “Jesus was actually probably pretty black.”

Jessica: “Look at him over there…looking like historically accurate Jesus.”


**I’m back on dry land! In the SeaTac airport, heading home!**