Before you read this and wonder why I’m doing reading drills with high schoolers, my students all have some intellectual or learning needs, and I teach a reading group for kids with pretty significant issues with written language.
Me: “Okay, break this word down for me. First me, then together. Sh-e-ll”
Everyone: “Sh-e-ll Shhhelll. Shell.”
Me: “Break it down. First me, then together. Ch-i-ll.”
Ramon: “Chill! Like Netflix and chill! That’s how babies get made, Miss M, and this ain’t science.”
(A conversation via text…)
Me: Is today the day you’re at the Phoenix Open?
Ryan: I wish…still in the office, otherwise known as Super Bowl Central. I’m saving my media pass for the Open for Sunday.
Me: If if makes you feel better, the only passes I get at work are restroom passes, and they’re not even for me.
Ryan: Luckily all of my reporters can use the restroom by themselves, so I don’t need those.
Me: See, I have to make sure my kids ARE using the restrooms BY THEMSELVES.
Ryan: In theory, what would happen if they caught two kids doing it in the bathroom? Could they fire you?
Me: No, they’d just make me keep the resulting babies.
Ryan: I’d rather be fired.
Me: Word.
I apologize in advance for the fact that my entire blog is about to be me bitching about house hunting… The following took place Friday night, while I was perusing Zillow, or as I like to call it, “Real Estate Porn”.
Casey: “What about this one?”
Me: “It’s only 1200 square feet; I need something over 1600.”
Casey: “For what?”
Me: “For when the baby comes.” *blinking innocently*
Casey: “That’s not funny.”
Me: “It sort of is.”
Casey: *pause* “Maybe it’s not such a bad idea; maybe we should have a baby.”
Me: “WHAT!?”
Casey: *giggling*
Me: “Fucker.”
Casey: “Now, that was funny.”
Fisticuffs and Shenanigans 