This Makes Me So Glad To Be Old


Before you read this and wonder why I’m doing reading drills with high schoolers, my students all have some intellectual or learning needs, and I teach a reading group for kids with pretty significant issues with written language.

Me: “Okay, break this word down for me.  First me, then together.  Sh-e-ll”

Everyone: “Sh-e-ll  Shhhelll.  Shell.”

Me: “Break it down. First me, then together.  Ch-i-ll.”

Ramon: “Chill!  Like Netflix and chill!  That’s how babies get made, Miss M, and this ain’t science.”



When A Man And Woman Love Each Other VERY Much…And Have A Hall Pass


(A conversation via text…)

Me: Is today the day you’re at the Phoenix Open?

Ryan: I wish…still in the office, otherwise known as Super Bowl Central.  I’m saving my media pass for the Open for Sunday.

Me: If if makes you feel better, the only passes I get at work are restroom passes, and they’re not even for me.

Ryan: Luckily all of my reporters can use the restroom by themselves, so I don’t need those.

Me: See, I have to make sure my kids ARE using the restrooms BY THEMSELVES.

Ryan: In theory, what would happen if they caught two kids doing it in the bathroom?  Could they fire you?

Me: No, they’d just make me keep the resulting babies.

Ryan: I’d rather be fired.

Me: Word.


How Many Forms Of Birth Control Can You Use At Once Before It Becomes Obsessive Compulsive



I apologize in advance for the fact that my entire blog is about to be me bitching about house hunting…  The following took place Friday night, while I was perusing Zillow, or as I like to call it, “Real Estate Porn”.

Casey: “What about this one?”

Me: “It’s only 1200 square feet; I need something over 1600.”

Casey: “For what?”

Me: “For when the baby comes.”  *blinking innocently*

Casey: “That’s not funny.”

Me: “It sort of is.”

Casey: *pause* “Maybe it’s not such a bad idea; maybe we should have a baby.”

Me: “WHAT!?”

Casey: *giggling*

Me: “Fucker.”

Casey: “Now, that was funny.”