Kid…We’re Upping Your Adderall.



While hanging out at my parent’s house…

Caolinn: “Stop touching mom’s phone!”

My dad: “What?  What’s happening?”

Me: “Nothing, Dad.  My son just keeps touching my phone.”

Xavier: “Wait…your son?  Is it me?”

Me: “Are you touching my phone?”

Xavier: “No.”  (looks at Liam, holding my phone) “Oh…your other son.”

Caolinn: (under her breath) “Idiot.”


Captain Obvious…Behavioral Analyst.

(While discussing a student, after I did an observational study on him.)
Principal: “So…what do you think is going on with him?”
Me: “Well…I don’t want to say that he has ADHD, but if he doesn’t, he just gave an extremely powerful, seven-hour-long, interpretative dance performance, using little more than classroom furniture and some school supplies.”

Better Living Through Chemistry

Note: You don’t have to tell me that you’re off your meds…I already know because I’m psychic…and because I’m a brilliant behavioral analyst with years of experience and training….and also because you’re doing cartwheels while barking.