Colonoscopies: 100% Less Awful Than Baby Showers


Tracy: “Are you going to Kim’s baby shower tomorrow?”

Me: “Ugh…you know how much I hate those things.  I’ll just send her a gift.”

Tracy: “What possible excuse are you going to have to skip this?”

Me: “I just had a colonoscopy.  I’m pulling the colonoscopy card.”

Tracy: “I don’t think that’s a card.”

Me: “I had a camera shoved up my ass…how does that NOT earn me a card?”

Tracy: “Fine, but you have to tell her, because I’m not walking into a baby shower with tales about your asshole.”

Me: “A real friend would.”

Tracy: “A real friend doesn’t text pictures of their large intestine to a group chat.”

Me: “Touche.”

31 thoughts on “Colonoscopies: 100% Less Awful Than Baby Showers

  1. HA HA HA HA! I hate baby showers also. But the last one I went to for my niece wasn’t too bad. It was at a Top Golf where my nephew (her hubby) is a manager. They had only a couple of games. Mostly it was sitting around on a beautiful day playing Top Golf, eating awesome food and drinking wine! I can do those… 😀

      • Top Golf is a game where you hit golf balls like a driving range into a huge field where they have holes. If you get into certain holes, you get points. The further the whole, the more points…kind of like Skee Ball. They are all over the place. Huge down here in Texas. People play year round… If you like golf…even if you don’t, you can have a lot of fun with it. 😄

  2. barbaramullenix

    I tried posting the link, but it wasn’t accepted, but if you want to laugh until you pee a little, read Dave Barry’s column about his first colonoscopy. It is hilarious – and I knew Gin and Tonic constitute ‘clear liquids’!

  3. I found it essential to retain my sense of humour in the colonoscopy situation. I also found it interesting that I could be rendered speechless by someone inserting a foreign object in a totally unrelated orifice. However, I must have impresssed them. I’ve been invited for a reprise in 3 weeks…:)

      • Hyperion

        I think this sharing of one’s inner most self could be a thing. This may be how we bipedals connect to one another through our smartphones. I can see it now. “Whoa dude! Whose colon is that? It’s Tessie Mae Blowfly’s. She sent it to me at the office party from the copy room. Wow! She must be a vegetarian.” And so on. . . 😍

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