Tracy: “Are you going to Kim’s baby shower tomorrow?”
Me: “Ugh…you know how much I hate those things. I’ll just send her a gift.”
Tracy: “What possible excuse are you going to have to skip this?”
Me: “I just had a colonoscopy. I’m pulling the colonoscopy card.”
Tracy: “I don’t think that’s a card.”
Me: “I had a camera shoved up my ass…how does that NOT earn me a card?”
Tracy: “Fine, but you have to tell her, because I’m not walking into a baby shower with tales about your asshole.”
Me: “A real friend would.”
Tracy: “A real friend doesn’t text pictures of their large intestine to a group chat.”
31 thoughts on “Colonoscopies: 100% Less Awful Than Baby Showers”
Wait… There were pics and you stifled the urge to put them on here?
See, even *I* have standards.
Was it a Polaroid or a hemorrhoid?
A polaroid, thank God!
HA HA HA HA! I hate baby showers also. But the last one I went to for my niece wasn’t too bad. It was at a Top Golf where my nephew (her hubby) is a manager. They had only a couple of games. Mostly it was sitting around on a beautiful day playing Top Golf, eating awesome food and drinking wine! I can do those… 😀
What in heck is Top Golf? I know all about Rubbish Golf, I guess this is different? 🙂
I’ve never been to one…but then, I don’t really play golf. Driving ranges are my limit.
Top Golf is a game where you hit golf balls like a driving range into a huge field where they have holes. If you get into certain holes, you get points. The further the whole, the more points…kind of like Skee Ball. They are all over the place. Huge down here in Texas. People play year round… If you like golf…even if you don’t, you can have a lot of fun with it. 😄
The minute there are shower games, I want to hang myself. Top Golf wouldn’t be nearly as bad.
I tried posting the link, but it wasn’t accepted, but if you want to laugh until you pee a little, read Dave Barry’s column about his first colonoscopy. It is hilarious – and I knew Gin and Tonic constitute ‘clear liquids’!
WHAT!? WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME!?
I found it essential to retain my sense of humour in the colonoscopy situation. I also found it interesting that I could be rendered speechless by someone inserting a foreign object in a totally unrelated orifice. However, I must have impresssed them. I’ve been invited for a reprise in 3 weeks…:)
Argh! I’m so sorry!
…And here’s one called “The Picolax Thread” that’s kinda long, but worth the whole thing when he describes the “HMS Endoscope.”
You’re right! It took forever to read, but was very funny! Dave Barry’s is very funny too, but much shorter!
I want to see a Sedaris take on it.
Bwaa haa haaa! You didn’t. Did you?
No? No, of course I didn’t. *furtive look*
I think this sharing of one’s inner most self could be a thing. This may be how we bipedals connect to one another through our smartphones. I can see it now. “Whoa dude! Whose colon is that? It’s Tessie Mae Blowfly’s. She sent it to me at the office party from the copy room. Wow! She must be a vegetarian.” And so on. . . 😍
It kicks open a dangerous door, that’s for sure.
Indeed. I’m glad I’m not adaptable to change. 😳
Lovely in pink…
See, colonoscopies and showers go together.
Nonsense! The Share Violations for that shared photo would be priceless. LOL. 😀
It would be the most interesting reason why I got blocked…
Was it a full-frame camera…?
How big a lens?
Talk about your intestinal fortitude!!!
Judging from the fact that I felt nothing untoward the next day, I’m guessing it was a microcamera.
They knocked me out for mine….I felt violated when I woke up! 😉
I was out cold, but it felt like a blink and I was awake.
no kidding! lol..