Everything Hurts, And I’m Dying.


Ryan: How was your day, today?

Me: Well…I got to ride in the back of a police car, which is about as disgusting as you would think it is.

Ryan: Your life of crime finally caught up with you?

Me: Me, the campus cop, and the Dean of Discipline were chasing a kid who ran away from campus.

Ryan: Did you catch him?

Me: Ten staff members, five private vehicles, three police cars, four miles, and 90 minutes later…yes.

Ryan: Are you ever tempted to just let them run?

Me: After today, if I had it my way, we would stand on the curb, waving, as he takes off.

Ryan: Let him run!  BE FREE!

Me: “Find your bliss, Motherfucker!”

12 thoughts on “Everything Hurts, And I’m Dying.

  1. barbaramullenix

    Why was there a need to catch him? Kids cut school all the time. They usually get into trouble for it, but no police chases. Can I assume he did something pretty bad during school to warrant that degree of apprehension?

    • When someone is a behavior management student, we sometimes have to follow to make sure they don’t get hurt. If it was a general education student…we just call their parents.

  2. Brian

    5 private vehicles and only 3 police cars and you still get a ride back to campus in the BACK of a police car? I think it’s a sign. You should be verrrry careful for a while.

  3. Doug in Oakland

    When I was in rehab from my stroke, there was this woman named Mary who would occasionally leave, prompting them to dispatch their most able-bodied nurses to go and retrieve her.
    The last time I saw her do it, she was grumbling to the two nurses who had brought her back “I was just going to the store for cigarettes, you didn’t have to send the cavalry.”

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