Me: We’re in Nassau. I just snagged beach access at one of the hotels. Which is a bigger asshole American move: Starbucks or a Piña Colada in a coconut shell?
Ryan: Piña Colada. Very ’50’s Mad Men kind of thing. Everyone does Starbucks.
Me: Good call. I’m moving here. Please come.
Ryan: Sure, there are newspapers there. I can add ‘Mon’ to a lot of my stories.
Me: Headline: Water Too Clear
Ryan: Sharks protest clear water, say interferes with theme song terror.
Me: No one gives a shit when they see us, Turtles cry.
Ryan: Turtles demand theme song to give swimmers night terrors.
Me: Turtle King demands unionization.
Ryan: Koch brother’s destroy unionization of turtles, and then take away their healthcare and access to education.
Me: Fuck, that’s scary. I need another drink.
Ryan: Drunk Americans…Are They Ruining Nassau?
28 thoughts on “Smart Idea: Try And Lure Journalist Boyfriend Out Of The Country WITHOUT Pulling Out A Boob”
Bah-hah-ha! Great laughs! On the other hand, I’m jealous as crap. Looks like an amazing vacation. 🙂
I show you the burns on my ass…it’ll help. lol
The Turtles struck gold with “Happy Together” , after which the two founding members joined Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention… Wait, what were we talking about?
Sadly, that sounds like something Ryan would say. lol
I don’t know if they are, but fuck it, I wanna go to Nassau.
Want me to hang you up a hammock in my beach shack?
I’ll have your cocktail ready.
It must be nearly impossible to secretly pee in water that clear.
God, I really wish you’d pointed that out BEFORE.
Fucking Americans. Pissing on everything.
*hangs head in shame* Even on sharks.
Jesus wept. I hope you are charged with a war crime.
Not until Cheney is.
Good point. As usual. Shark pisser.
New CV bullet point.
As long as you’re not applying to PETA.
Now you’re never going to meet Pamela Anderson.
The only thing worse than a drunk American is a drunk naked Canadian. You can take that to the bank. Thank goodness for the clear water though, otherwise what would be the point of streaking the beach?
And that’s why I love Trent…
What’s not to love????
Trent, I’m kinda of unsure on that. I’ve seen heavy set Canadian tourists in speedos. Somehow that is more terrifying than them naked, I cannot explan it – but it is. Maybe it is that horrible anticipation of ‘is it going to burst open? Wondering if you are going to be screaming any second!’
Hey listen – I hear you. But when a Canadian bursts out of their speedo, everyone in Canada raises a beer in a toast. It’s like a tradition here. We freeze for so much of the year that a busted speedo is cause for celebration. So I say, if it happens, stare openly. And then raise your beer.
I feel like, having never seen such a thing…that I’ve only been living half a life. I must experience this.
You have been greatly deprived, I see.
I’ve combined reactions to all prior comments into one.